When does my cheese plant actualy produce edible cheese?

im thinking of taking it back to B&Q has ive had it three years and ive not had one slice from it, and i have bought some lovely biscuits and port to go with it.

Answers:
You have to go to the moon for cheese, you idiot. I think you've been sold a pup.
Is it male or female ?? only the female plant will produce the cheese x
b&q will deffo give you a refund . or change it for a mother in lwas tongue plant. that will drive you mad !
depending on wat chesse its going to produse. some types take longer than oters
I don't know, but did read of such a tree that grows cheeze in the 8th book of the original Oz series "Tik-Tok of Oz" by L. Frank Baum.

Good luck, but I'd suggest eating the biscuits, drinking the port, and putting the plant in the alley.
it will produce cheese at around the same time your bird of paradise plant hatches
ha ha your funny
When you take it to space with you..
drink the port then you wont care you have no cheese

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