Is it possible to be a friend to your daughter?
Answers:
Yes just go with the flow,don`t forget this is a wonderful as well as a daunting time for your daughter.It is now that she is starting to find her own identity and place with other young people!And of course you can be her best friend as well as her mother,after all havn`t you always been there for her,just as you have nutured her,loved her ,and cared for her when she was ill ?You are already her best friend,she won`t alway tell you ,but i am sure you already know.Also give her space to blossom,find her way in life,but most of all talk to her as an equal,and not as a child,but as a young adult !
Course you can , you just gotta respect her space , and don'd be afraid to disguss anything with her , it's simple really .
yes because mom is the closest person of a human beings
My mother is my best friend, but at that age, a mother that is your friend simply means a mother that doesn't put her foot down.
Being a parent and guardian puts you in a position to be responsible and make resposible decisions for your daughter. Unfortunately, during puberty what she thinks is best and you think is best will probably be different things. You will have to be stern and that's hard to maintain that parental respect with a close friendship mixing in.
In a few years when she is grow she will respect you that much more for having been a disciplinarian but it seems during these years she will need a mother more than a friend.
Your her mother, not her friend; besides, her attitude and actions now are PERFECTLY NORMAL for a girl of her age, believe me!
I would say yes to your question.But you have to be a mother first. You can't always be a friend a chum and hang around her all the time she needs to be with her peers. It might be time to let go a little.
Yes, of course you can be her friend. But first and foremost you are her mother, and there is a certain responsibility and relationship that comes with that, and you must face that it is not just a friendship...it is a delicate balance of love and letting her be herself, and keeping a certain check on her.
Just as you would not confide the most intimate details of your life to her, because she is your daughter, so you must not expect to be her confidante and hear her most intimate details. Give her the respect of being a respected daughter whose life is very much her own.
The women I've known who have treated their daughters only as best friends and confidantes have always regretted it afterward. Being a mother means always keeping a certain distance between you and your child, so that she can look up to and respect YOU.
You can, but there will be times when she will need space and won't want to tell you things and you will need to respect that. At some point things may be somewat strained but later on you may get a lot closer again and she will appreciate you even more for being there for her.
i am not only my children's father but all so there best friend.your daughter as just got to the age in between childhood and adult hood..shes getting pulled in both directions..just stick in there as it don't last forever.
I always have people telling me that they are good friends with their children and I tell them that they are wrong. You can never be their friend. It doesn't work like that. Friends don't give birth to other friends.
We as parents go beyond friendship with our children. We need to stay close to our children by interacting with them EVERY day. If you slip up one time then you could lose your ability to influence and guide your child.
I could never be friends with my son because I couldn't care for him like I do now. I don't remember my friends telling me when to come home or to do my homework or anything of that sort. Parents instruct their children and lead them to a better life by example. Friends can't do that.
The best way I have found to stay in my child's life is to communicate on their level, but stay focused on where i want him to be. I always tell him I can't control his life and I don't want to, but the choices he makes have consequences and I never falter with discipline or a reward. Friends can not offer that. Children need parents to guide them and love them. They don't need a parent to act like their friend. They have plenty of those at school and elsewhere.
At 15 she trying to become who she wants to be. This is when everything you've taught her will start to take effect. You must continue to be her mother. Don't expect her to like you right now. When she is past the teenage years she will be ready to come back to you as a friend. Right now, she needs a mother, she has friends at school. Be there to guide her and set her boundries. She is, after all, still a child. I believe the biggest mistake you can make as a parent, is to be your child's friend. That is not what they need from you. Think back to your youth and you will see what I'm talking about.
hi im 17 i don't know if this will help answer your question but my mother and i have an amazing mother-to-daughter relationship. my mother to me is a friend(i still respect her as my mother). i can talk to her about anything(maybe nothing alittle TOO personal) and i guess it is better for the both of us so she can also get an idea on how my life is treating me lately etc. i dont know how your daughter is but as a teenage daughter myself, i guess we like to have a bit of our own privacy sometimes too because we are still growing up. i am not a great daughter myself but i guess the important thing is to understand eachother and also let her know that you are a friend to her but also her mother.
Don't try to be her friend. You won't be able to compete with her real friends. What she needs now is a mother who takes charge and guides her, not someone who wants to be her equal. Who said that mothers and daughters can't get along withing their own roles?
My son is 24 now, and we are good mates. He makes his own way now and that is the way he wants it to be, and I agree with him, but he always knows that one of his best friends is also his dad.
In answer to your question, yes I believe you can be your daughter's friend, but both of you must never forget that you are her mother, and she is your daughter.
As for her current behaviour, it's a horrible expression, but hopefully it's 'just a phase', her hormones are racing, and she is becoming a woman. She is testing new boundaries, and your relationship will change, but hopefully for the better, with newly agreed boundaries that reflect her status as a young woman.
Respect her, and hopefully she will respect you, and your relationship will be enriched, but never let her forget that you are her mother, and you have standards that you expect her to adhere to, and this should be done by calm discussion, and mutual agreement.
If your future relationship with your daughter is half as good as the one I have with my son, then neither of you will be unhappy.
of couse you can be friends with your daughter, shes proberly just socalising with new people and thinks it cool to be a bit backchatty. just mention to her that you dont appriciate being answered back to but make sure that she knows your not having a go at her. if shes having to act like it at school, she proberly dosent even realise shes doing it at home. i am 14 so i do it my self. make sure thou that your not getting at her.
15 years old, such a bad time of life. You know you are an adult but your parents still treat you like a child. Can't do this, don't do that. You will be in by 9pm. You're not going out dressed like that. Oh God, I remember it well. The screaming matches, slamming doors, saying some horrible things, wanting to kill her because she thought she owned me. How dare she tell me what to do, I hated her. She was never 15, how the hell does she know what I'm going through? All the lies, the deceit, all the tears. When I finally left home at 19 years old, I didn't have any contact with her for 2 years.
Looking back on it now, 25 years later, the memories are still very raw. I was a b*t*h. A cruel, heartless cow who deserved to be beaten black and blue for what I put my mother through.
She is 82 years old now, and she moved in with me into a granny annex I had built for her. I love her to bits and will take care of her for the rest of my days. I can't take back what I did, but I have learnt from it.
Why would you want to be best friends with your daughter? You are a mother. A best friend wouldn't put up with the crap that teenages put their parents through. But a mother will always be there no matter what.
no mine shot me in the chest then went to jail for it
Love her, be there for her, always be on her side and let her decide if she wants a Mom or a Friend. It will probably settle down to being both.
As a former rebel with a Mom who took everyone's side first, I know this is important.
We get on great now, especially as we had it out about the loyalty thing.
You sound like you have a great daughter who you have brought up well if she is just starting to talk back at 15. If she didn't do this, she would be missing out an important part of growing up. Endless patience helps at this time and if she wants to paint the room black, offer variations like deep purple rather than saying no.
Keep the lines of communication open, support her in any weird ideas she has. Be on her side.
You know this anyway, you have a great daughter, you know that.
You can be a friend to her but let her know that there are boundaries she cannot cross with you.
Yes, - and no! Yes, you can be a friend to your daughter but not ONLY a friend. You are her mother first and foremost, and you need to remind her every once in a while. The best thing you can do for her is to make her understand that what she's going through is truly difficult (I'd hate to be 15 again - all the worry, insecurity and unfulfilled expectations!) and that you'll always be there no matter what. Respect her decisions, suggest the right things to do, and be there to pick up the pieces when her decisions turn out less than desirable. Commend her when her decisions work the way they are supposed to, and basically just love her. Oh yes, and one more thing: Remember to tell her that you are proud of her even when she has a bad hair day (Believe me, that's when she needs to hear it the most!).
try talkin to her when u take her out shoping little u bribes to get up close with her again!!!!
you can be friends but you must remember you are her mother first not her friend!! children who are best friends with their parents end up undisciplined and it means you do not have the right relationship with them!
if she accepts you as one of her friends she will treat you like one of her friends.
yer sure u can sorry but i hav not gt any advice
as a fourteen yr old girl/
I would prefer my mother not try to be my friend.
I have enough friends.
I think that mothers that try to be their daughter's "best friend" or whatever are annoying and noisy.
trust me, you are better off being just her mother. she can have other friends, but she can't have anyone else as her mother.adolescents need their parents to keep them going right, probably more than those of any other age group.
Yes, it is possible. At this point it's almost required. You need to be able to educate her better than her friends. But you need to keep you ears open.
At 15 my daughter wanted to learn to drive. I taught her. This was wonderful bonding time. And I gave her the gift of driving as a tool towards her independence.
At 16 she wanted to drive the car without me, because she had her license. She worked and she was doing what she basically was supposed to be doing at school. I had advised her that her job should be fairly close to home, as she ended up walking sometimes, and that whatever job she picked she needed to be able to stay with until she left home, as a new employer looking at a first job wants to see longevity.
At 16 she was talking about her friends drinking. I did not want drinking and driving. So I asked her what she wanted, she said wine coolers, so I bought them. Amazingly, she did not guzzle them. Sometimes they sat. I jokingly told her I couldn't wait til she puked. She never did. The rule was she could only drink at home, and no sharing with minors. Never had a problem. Well, one, where she visited a 21 year old with a couple of friends and "all he had to drink was beer." That 21 year old missed going to jail by the skin of his teeth. I had to convice another parent that whether or not our kids drank was a choice our kids had made. I don't think the young man was trying to get everyone drunk. They were all just being stupid.
16 year olds have lots of opportunities to behave ignorantly. Try to head these situations off.
At 17 she started her senior year, had been working at her job for a year, saving, and bought her own car. (With my help.) She also found out about college level courses offered at the HS and asked if she could graduate a year late.
I wasnt sure what planet I was on. What kid asks to graduate late? Did the HS really let them stay for these courses? Come to find out, she was right. She registered for the next school year and when she graduated she had an endorsement on her diploma for college computer courses. This still freaks me out. (oh, and now my 17 year old wants to do this, too.)
When she was 18 Miss Picky allowed a boy to date her. He was 21, very nice, and had already been involved with a girl sexually. As they continued to spend time together, I told my daughter I thought it was time for her to go on the pill.. She said they weren't doing that. I said he wants to. She went. I never asked. He's long gone...
At 19 my daughter graduated HS, took her car, her job references, and her HS diploma and moved in with my parents in another state to further study of computers. (I listen to her talk about what she is studying and say, "That is so cool.." Half the time I'm not really sure what she said.)
I had the great privilige of kissing this daughter good bye on the day she left. I waved goodbye as she drove off to college without me. She's working 2 jobs and going to school and my parents havent' kicked her out yet.
You haveabout 3 years left with this daughter. Your little girl is growing up. Look to the person she is becoming. Aim for that end result.You have the gift of time and foresight. Use it wisely.
All I ever wanted was not to be cast away when she left. I wanted to say good bye. Which was, in the end, priceless...
i've always tried to be my daughters friend my 16 year old niece who's close to my daughter and also the same age pointed out to me that my daughter doesn't want me to be her friend she wants me to be her mum
No, it is not your job to be her friend - you must keep the parental role. She sounds like she is being a typical teen; keep the communication open, that is most important, and keep tabs closely on her! Watch out for the "friends".
well it has to happen...
Give her some space and keep talking WITH her not to her but with her..invovle her and ask her ideas and opinions and REALLY listen.. she will notice that and even if it seems she is not listening she is..
You just want her to know she can come to you
However You are a parent first and if you feel something is not ok that she is invovled in or doing.. forget friends you gotta be MOM!
Good Luck
Wismom
Give her plenty of time and space, let her come to you, she will, she just doesnt understand life at the moment, and probably hates herself, but doesnt know quite where she belongs, I guaruntee, she will one day come to you with the same Question about your granddaughter, Good Luck, she is a teenager.
I am 17 and I have a mom who tries to be my best friend. DONT TRY TO BE HER FRIEND! Be her mother! She will have her friends that come and go and that she will talk to about things if she feels it's kinda awkward to talk to you about, but at the end of the day she will ALWAYS need that one person that she can run to that wont judge her and that she wont feel the need to put on a mask or an act and that's her mom. YOU! You gotta be her mother. Please don't try to be her best friend. In the long run, would you rather have a deep connection with your daughter and be her role model or a "shallow" (for lack of a better word) connection with her?
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