How do you cope just being at home without working?
Answers:
My friend went through this same thing. She is just not the "stay home" type. Some people are, some aren't. You definitely aren't alone. My friend went back to work part time and is a much happier Mom. She doesn't do it for the money, she does it for her own sanity. She said she felt "trapped" being at home and she felt isolated. I think she made the right decision for herself and her family.
I am a stay at home Mom myself; and I love it! I don't miss working. Everyone is different though, and I respect that. This 'staying home' business is not all that it's cracked up to be sometimes. Just like any job/career/profession, there are days where I wish I could just 'up and leave'. But overall, I'm happy doing what I'm doing.
In my opinion, a Mother (or any parent) should not be judged solely on whether or not they work outside the home. There are stay at home Moms who neglect their children just as there are working Moms who neglect their children. I have another friend that's a stay at home mom and she almost NEVER plays with her children. She's too busy cleaning the house or talking to friends on the phone. I have another friend with 3 children who works outside the home full time and devotes her undivided attention to her children in the evenings and most weekends. Remember, "quantity" does not automatically mean "quality". Quality time is MUCH more important than how much time you actually spend in the child's presence. I think what I told you about my two friends proves that.
GOOD LUCK with your decision.
I love my job and although I'm not yet a mother I couldn't bare giving it up as long as there is a good balance between play and work I think you'll be ok. go back to work or start your own buisness from home..
You explained my life. I lost all self confidence, all feeling of me. I love my girls, but I really would like to get a job. Staying at home is draining, it sucks all confidence and personality right out of you.
I feel your pain.
My wife's gone through the same trauma. It might help to take up a part time study course, or join in with local parent and toddler groups.
I TOOK A DAY OFF TODAY BECAUSE MY WORK MATES PARTNER GAVE BIRTH LAST NIGHT. SINCE HE HAS THE VAN WITH ALL THE TOOLS IN, I THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE HIM PEACE FOR A DAY. I'M CRACKING UP TOO AND I HAVE ONLY BEEN OFF FOR A DAY. I THINK I FEEL MORE GUILTY THAN ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU SHOULD REALLY BE WORKING....IT'S CRAZY
Seems like a lot of people feel the same way as u. It is normal. Have u been at home for all that time? I do not have a bambino, but a lot of my friends do and they seem to cope by hooking up with other mothers for coffee to kill the boredom!
being a stay at home isn't as easy as some people think it is. and honestly it isn't for everyone.
if you feel stir crazy, get out with your child. there are many play groups. or you could put your child in a "mommy's day out" so that you could have a few hours to your self everyday or whatever you may need.
but like i said it isn't for everyone, i know plenty of women that are better mothers because they work.
I am a stay at home mom of two. My daughter is 23 mos and my son is 7 mos. I was slightly different.I knew that I would stop working when I had my first child. There are days when I feel like I am going to go crazy. but at the end of the day when I am putting them to sleep and it's sweet cuddle time. I thank my lucky stars that I am able to spend this time with them. That I am the one teaching them, playing with them, cooking for them and loving them. I think that I would be jealous if someone else got to experience witnessing their first steps, words etc.
I did gymboree and that helped. We had fun playing and I met other moms so we would have playdates.
Look into local play groups.
A lot of women get like that. Try hosting a day care so your child can interact with other kids.
Or work from home.
Or get a small part time job in the evenings.
Honestly though, if you have your own house, and a child, you'd be suprised how much time and effort it takes to keep everything perfect and up to par. cooking cleaning mending fixing decorating, teaching your child along the way, shopping, weeding, mowing, dusting, dishes, laundry, perfecting the lay out of the house, yard work, gardening, winterizing, baking, bathing, washing, cleaning, sewing, on and on and on.
So long as people live in the house, and the childs awake, theres a million things that can be done.
i replaced the carpets in my dinging and living room, painted the walls and redecorated the bathroom to update it when the house was clean and everything else was done.
Theres always a project :)
It's tough staying at home but it would be worse to work and leave the child, trust me. I know I would go nutty at home, too, but it would be better than being away and missing everything all day like I am now. Consider it the less of two evils. Just know that it comes with the territory, but it is better than the alternative - not being with the baby! If you can stay home, do so. Get together with other moms - that helped me when I was home. Go to the gym - they have little childcare rooms. Make a girls night when you and a group of girls go out, or even come to your house for drinks - do it once a week at a different persons house.
Well my baby is only 7 weeks old and like you I have worked for alot of years, Im older then you. Me and my hubby feel its important also to stay at home at least for the first 6 months. I too am going nuts. I like to try and get out of the house at least every other day. Go for walks, shopping (even if its window shopping). this week I plan on starting to volunteer for abused children a few hours a week (something that I have never done). I too am eager to go back to work, but I think of someone else bonding with my child more than me and I cant bear it. Also the holidays are coming start baking and thinking of things to do for the holidays. I hope this helps.
I retired after 36 years. get a daily routine set up and carry it out. you must get out and do things with the kid, even if its going to the shop to get your newspaper, there are lots of things to do, swimming etc.
Dont sit at home, it will drive u crazy
I know it sound like a cliche, but see your role as wife, mother and general house keeper as a JOB. I know you dont get paid as such, but you are doing the most important job in the world, bringing up the next generation and having that time with your child that you can NEVER EVER get back. They are only litttle once and for such a short time, enjoy having the option to stay at home!
Join some toddler groups, find a local Family Centre, go for nature walks, jump in puddles, play in the park, go for coffee with other mums....
the list is endless. BUT the most important thing is to remember that you should have respect for doing this and also, respect yourself for looking after your own child.
Say to yourself 'I have a job'. Enjoy it and make the most of it.
Make sure you have a life too, go out for a drink with friends, swop babysitting, socialise for your own sake.
Is that enough to be getting on with?
Lecture over!
ENJOY BEING A MUM AND WIFE!
Be happy!
Well I have tried the same thing and it drove me nuts staying at home all day too. I use to make it by finding a sitter and just getting out of the house whether it was to go shoping for groceries, visiting a friend, or gamble with 20 bucks. I needed my own alone time without kids and my husband. LOL! Make it a day out of the week where you don't need to focus on anybody but yourself and it will relieve alot of tension and stress and make you feel a lot happier about staying home with yuor child. But just so you, know I eventually went back to work when they started school. Otherwise just take a part-time job when yur husband gets done with work and let him realize what you do at home with yur child
No you aren't alone. I felt this way too, went and got a job and now I can't stand it. I just find things to do like extra cleaning and running errands.
i felt like u do.i have worked ever since i was 16(thats 10 years ago) and i had my daughter 2 years ago.i felt useless because my partner is out earning and i can't contribute.to stop myself going mad i make sure i go out everyday,even if its just to the local shop to grab a newspaper.going to a toddler group may help and going to the park is also a good way to meet people too.realistically its easier to get a job when your child is at full time school.good luck.
Get out and meet more stay at home mom's. That will help you a lot. It is an adjustment to make that is for sure.
Still go out with your friends. I know my park district and library are great places to meet other mom's and talk. They offer programs for us to do together and with leaving the kids there. It is nice.
I'm not a mom yet, but I'm planning on working after taking a twelve week maternity leave after having my first baby (which I hope is soon!). I work 2nd shift, 2pm-10pm and my hubby works 1st shift, 8am-4/5pm. My hubby works for his dad's business, which happens to be in his dad's backyard. Luckily, I'll be able to stay home with baby all morning until the early afternoon, then I'll be dropping off baby at hubby's mom's so she can babysit baby for a couple of hours until hubby is done work. I can't imagine staying home ALL day. I think that would be horrible. I'm fortunate enough that I'll have a good chunk of the day with baby and also time for me to work. I also have the added benefit of knowing baby will be with family 24/7. Maybe you can find a part time job while your hubby is at home? Good luck to you!
I have been home with my 3 yr old since she was born and NO you're not the only one that feels that way. Although, I could never put her in daycare full time but I'd like an evening part time job when my husband could be with her.
Every spare minute i get i write! i use to write in my spare time before i had my daughter so its just a continuation. i'm now on my fourth book in a series of who knows how many! but that's just me. personally if and when i get a writing deal (wish me luck!) i'd happily stay at home being a writing mum but it might not be financially possible. ho hum.
anyway yes it does drive me mad sometimes but not all the time. personally i'd rather not go to work and have another kid, which really is the plan short term anyway, but maybe that's cos i've always had sh*tty jobs! no, writing and being a mummy works fine for me, but i think i'm the minority!
Using the Internet as a source of interaction and support (this site for instance) seems like a good start to me. You are interacting with adults (well some of us are) even if it is via a computer.
If you can afford it, you should get a sitter (or maybe family can help) a specific time each week and go volunteer somewhere or get a part-time job. A church could use some help filing, a shop may need someone 10 hours a week since the holidays are on the way, or just a plain old Mummy's club. Search locally for groups to join in your area.
I hope that helps and just remember you are not crazy or less of a mum because you would like some adult interaction. There was a book out in the states called it takes a village or something about how it isn't just about a stay at home parent and a kid all alone every day all day but a community effort that would afford you some time to be an adult. It relieves some stress, socializes your little one and that will make you a better mum.
Good luck to you on your journey!
I've been there, dont worry you are not alone, I decided to leave my job so I could take care of my son, at first I was fustrated, felt caged, like if I was missing out on my life, becoming just a boring housewife. It takes time, but what kept me sane was the love for my baby. Many parents have to go to work and leave their kids in a day care where many might not be well atended, maybe even abused. You have a great chance to give you child a safe and loving enviroment to grow up, enjoy it because it goes fast.
At first, I was going nuts, but I realized being at home with my baby doesnt mean I have to stay stuck at home. Get out with your baby, use your stoller and go for a walk, go to a park, visit the family, go window shopping. On those times your baby is sleeping or distracted, pick up a book, surf the net. (I took a free internet course and learned German. ) Get into crafts or any type of manual art that you like and can do at home. Learn how to cook your favorite type of food, etc. The point is to try to make your home daily life less boring. Dont just sit in front of the TV eating junk feeling fustrated. Take this time to learn new things, to bond with your child and give more attention to your spouse.
And remember to keep up with your work, call your collegues, learn whats new in your job line, stay up to date with it, because when you least notice your child will be off to school and you'll be free to back to work, you dont want to be obsolete.
I work part time (Mon, Tues, & Sat) and put my son in preschool 2 days a week. Not only does it help financially, but with my sanity as well.
When I am home, being part of a mom's group helps. I don't know where you're located, but there are several out here in the Phoenix, AZ area.
get a job asap. full time motherhood is not for everyone. i'm sure your child would benefit more from having a mum who is happy and fulfilled. do what feels right for your family.
It's not easy to stay home, but make a rigid schedule (so that you feel as though you have important things to do) that includes going to the park time, Mommy & Me play group time, put the baby in the stroller and go for a walk time, grocery shopping time, laundry time, house cleaning time. It makes the day actually seem as though it is moving if you have a schedule. Try not to go back to work until the baby can start pre-K (4 years old) no one can take better care of your child or teach your child more then you can. God Bless
I get that way sometimes. I usually try to get out by myself at least once a week. Also, I get out with the girls once every 2 weeks or so. And we go on a yearly girl's only weekend once a year.
You were a better mom when you were working?
Sad.
Sorry, little Johnny but raising you is just too boring. I know you need a mom to love and nurture you but I'd rather dump you off at the institution. Someone there will love you and teach you everything you need to know to be a responsible adult. I'll pick you up in time to take you home and put you to bed for the night. We'll do it all over again the next day! Won't that be great ?!?!?
Raising children is hard work. How sad for your children you can't step up and work hard when they really need you.
I also began working when I was 16.At 18, I had my first daughter and had to continue working because of financial needs. After I married my (current) husband, 7 years ago we decided that when we had our first child together that I would quit working and take care of my (then 3-year-old) daughter and the new baby. THOSE FIRST FEW MONTHS - ALMOST THE FIRST YEAR, were horrible for me. I am such a people-person, I love conversation and to be honest, love working - I had been a secretary and organization is my "specialty". SO, needless to say, within a short time, there was nothing left to organize in my house!
I found a friend who also stayed home with her children - she had two, the same ages as mine and we had many play dates. She & I did almost everything together and held our own Bible Study. It was a wonderful time of growing friendship and taking care of my house. I learned to view taking care of "boring, usually hated" chores as my job and I take pride in keeping a neat house. ((Don't get me wrong, it got old sometimes still - even though I had a good friend to keep me going.)) My hubby was always wonderful and made it possible for me to get out every now & then, to go shopping or whatever.
Since then, we've added one to our family (he's 4 now) and I am still a "Stay-Home-Mom". I am involved in my church; volunteer at a local Crisis Pregnancy Center one evening per week; and help out at school often - especially going on field trips.
I am, however, looking forward to continuing my education when my preschooler starts kindergarten next year and getting a "real job" again - HA! That's assuming I don't change my mind between now & then and just take those "lonely daytime hours" to do something JUST FOR ME!
My advice is:
1. Get friends who are in the same boat - keep each other company and help each other out - especially on grocery day - swap babysitting for each other.
2. Volunteer somewhere in the evenings when Daddy comes home - he needs that bonding time with kids too. Local hospitals, churches, shelters, etc. Lots of opportunities for volunteering!
3. Help the school out - be a room mother..Read to the kids, do whatever they need help with.
4. Go to church - God is the best supporter of all! He is a friend that is always there - even when you feel all alone.
5. Go on play dates - take your kids places & enjoy having them LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY. They think you are the coolest - show them that you really are! Be intentional as a parent - make fun happen!
6. Get "Mommy time" or "Adult time". it's priceless
7. Have fun :) & Good luck sorting it all out - be thankful that you have the option to stay at home & be the one to put YOUR values and YOUR dreams into your 2 year olds life! It's a benefit not many have!
Everyone is different. If you are not happy staying home your child will sense your unhappiness and that will defeat the whole purpose of you being at home with him. On the other hand, it does take some time to adjust, get into a routine, have a network of other moms that you see during the day etc. I've been home for 6 years (I have 3 kids) and the first year was tough. I knew I wanted to be home with them when they were small though.. and now, I am getting ready to go back to work next year and wish to God I don't have to go. I'd give it a few more months, but if you really are completely miserable then maybe it's just not for you---and it isn't for everyone. Heck, that's what makes the world go round.. if we were all the same the world would be a very boring place. Don't beat yourself up about it if you do decide being at home really isn't for you. Your child won't benefit from you being with him if you're miserable.
work and spend less time with ur child then!
too have worked since i was 16. I am now 26 with a 4yr old boy. I gave up my job in April so i am now at home full time. I know exactly how you feel as i too have had those exact feelings. But what i have done has made me overcome the feelings i had and that you are having, here's my suggestion. Set yourself different activities to do with your son each day. that way you'll be busy and he'll be busy and entertained. Go to play centres. My son loves to run about and it gives me a chance to speak to the other mum's and dad's there and have a bit of adult conversation. Same goes for swimming and parent toddler groups, parks etc. If you really can't face not working but don't want to miss out on your child growing up then why not consider becoming a childminder. That way you have the responsibilitie of work, you'll be your own boss, choose your own hours and the amount of children you have. You don't have to look after hildren all day if you don't wish but maybe just a few hours after school, it really is your choice. That way you get the best of all worlds, You get to watch your child grow up, you're working and you have a bit of extra cash for those romantic nights out with the hubby!
I completely feel your pain! I am a stay at home mom of two toddler girls. They are 2 1/2 and 17 months, and they drive me absolutely nuts. (My younger one is hounding me as I type now.) I would love to go get a job, but I know spending the money on daycare would be more than I could possibly make. (My husband works).
I have days that I don't get to do any housework because all I do is clean up their messes. While I'm cleaning up peanut butter that's been spread all over the door to the oven, they're trying to go potty but not making it in the potty.then when I give them a bath, they knock toilet paper into the bathwater, so I have to strain the tub so it doesn't clog. Whew.and that's just within an hour!
Yes, I totally feel like I've lost a part of myself. I used to do such a good job when I worked, and made great friends that I still talk to. I miss being a part of the social world, and I just try to keep in touch with my friends as soon as my husband gets home (though he is working about 60 hours a week right now.) I try to find activities that get me out and away from the kids. I am into making beaded jewelry, so I do it and go to craft shows. I get do something I love, spend time at craft shows (without the kids, my parents watch them), and make some extra money on the side. Other than that, I karaoke with one of my friends occassionally, and play in an indoor soccer league. You just have to find time to do some of the things you love too, so you don't completely lose yourself.
So please know that you're not alone in this. I used to want so badly to be a SAHM and now I feel trapped because I couldn't work if I wanted to. If you want to make a new friend, I'm here.Good luck to you, and do whatever you can to salvage yourself and your sanity! 0=)
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