Should my 9 yr old watch Horror films?
I have recently seperated from my husband, meaning a move of home & school for my son and I. He hasnt settled in very well in school & it was very hard to get him to go until he made a new friend (a relief to me at first). However this kid is very 'street wise' & it turns out that he has been truanting with my son & getting up to all sorts (shop lifting ect.) which really upsets me as he was never brought up like that. On top of all of that this kids dad works in a video shop & lets his son watch all kind of things (mine also). I have spoken to his mother but she sais that I am ott. & that they realise it is only make believe. My son sais that if I stop him seeing this boy, he will not go to school or just 'bunk off' with him.
I have noticed a serious change in him (the way he is with me & his little brother).
Do all kids go through this 'fase' or should I be tougher on him, which is hard as he took the seperation badly & I feel guilty.
Advice would be very welcome, Jane xxx.
Answers:
Jane,
While it is true that kids go through phases, as a few people have said on here the main issue is your son's friend. If you are worried that he will rebel, have a word with his teacher / form teacher, he / she can split them up in class & it will appear that it is his teacher & not you (so no need to act rebelious) + at 9 when seperated in class usually make new friends with whom they sit by therefore a possible end to their friendship.
Do speak to his teacher though as they will rather help than have 2 pupils playing truant.
not yet...
Children do not realise it is all make beleive. Even we forget when we watch this stuff which is why we enjoy it. Some of these people should be charged with child abuse.
I don't think that ur kid should see horor movies, coz it may effected ur childs mental growth. And he may be cowed too to whole life.
you need to be tougher , 9 is to young to watch horror movies forbid your son from seeing this bad influence,IE this other boy. keep a very close eye on your son he needs guidance ..you will be doing your son a favor mmake sure you tell your son you love him and want the best for him
I think all kids try this on, but you need to be firm with him. I've been through hell with my eldest from him being 9, he's 11 now and is now having to get anger management because of his increasing volitile temper and completely unacceptable attitude.
I don't think watching horror movies is the major factor here, although there are obviously some movies or things in movies that kids just don't need to see, but I think the major issue is trying to stop your child bunking off school, and trying to get his behaviour to improve. You could try a scare tactic with him for the bunking off school, have a word with the local police station and ask whether one of the officers could come round and scare him in to going to school, obviously without letting on that you've had a word with him and that he isn't really in trouble with the law.
As for his behaviour, I think it's gonna take time and you being strict as hard as this may be on you, if you don't take control now it will get out of hand, believe me I know :o(
Good luck in this.
I think that you have to quickly get things back under control because it seems as if you have lost control of things! You have to put your foot down with your son! Yes, he is too young to watch horror movies and it seems as if this kids parents do not respect your wishes. You should not allow your child to interact with this kid because he seems to be a bad influence on him. He has no right to threaten to bunk school etc to get his own way. You need to get this kid back into line otherwise you going to have a bigger problem on your hands.
No, better no.
I can imagine how hard it is for you. Just try to remember that you are the mom and just because you set rules doesn't mean that you don't love your son. Sometimes we have to get tough to protect them from people that are just into no good. Also, as a rule of mine I tell my daughter there is a time for everything. A time to date, a time to go to a club, a time for that first kiss, and there will be a time for your soon to see Horror films. The movie is rated for a reason. There is no need for your son to be exposed to the violence associated with Horror movies. Be strong, but set the rules! Good Luck :)
Jane
Please don't let your 9yr old watch programmes like that. His we mind is working over time now with the split up form his dad, Try getting him PG films or funny films,theres one out now and its so funny CLICK you call it, no voilents,sex are fighting in it. Also its about a little boy. I think he would enjoy that
talk through the problem with school, they can help. Kids are badly affected by horror and can be long lasting. The children who killed Jamie Bulger had been watching horror films.
Think about a new school before your boy is 11
use your own raising as reference. when was the first time you remember see a horror flick or slasher movie. take that and memories of how your parents taught you things about them and how they comforted you when hiding under your bed. if you were nine or younger he should be alright.
Your Son,is angry ,hurt and confussed about you Guys separation,thats why he,s acting out,Please my friend,you need to get him into counseling,Right away,before its to late to stop him on the bad road he,s on!I will pray for all of you1god bless,hollywood
Kids don't realise that everything is just make-believe in horror films, especially not at 9 years old. They can be badly traumatised, and there are good reasons that films have age certificates attached.
Letting your son continue down that path woiuld not be doing him any favours. And by saying "if you don't let me I'll bunk off" he's putting himself in the commanding position over you through emotional blackmail. Maybe even sub-consciously punishing you for separating from your husband.
So you shouldn't give in to him, but take lots of time with him to explain why you are being firm.
Our role as parents is to help children understand what's acceptable and what isn't, and I believe kids do realise and appreciate when their parents are trying to do the best for them, even if on the surface they may rebel.
It may be a good idea to use some outside help for you and your family to get through this phase; why not ask for some counselling?
All the best.
Wake up, your son is not going through a 'phase'. And he is way too young to be shoplifting and watching horror films. He has fallen in with a bad crowd; that is not a phase.
He needs help and he needs it now. He is acting out anger and hostility and is on his way to a lot of trouble.
Get to your gp, explain the problem and get him counselling. You need help and support as well.
I don't think that being hard with him will solve the problem, it will just push him away.
No, my daughter watched a horror film at a friends party when she was that age and it really scared her.
Do not feel guilty, why should you, children can be quite impressionable, do what you think is best for your child, he has you and his brother he will make other friends.
it can if not very scary
You know your son better than anyone, can he deal with horror films? My friends son would have nightmares and wet the bed if he saw the children's programme "Goosebumps" but my son would take it in his stride.
However, I don't think the films are your biggest problem right now! At 9 he shouldn't be going through this phase. This behaviour has to be stopped now, truanting, shop lifting etc it sounds like an ASBO waiting to happen, don't let it be your son!
Its sad that he took your separation badly but channelling his emotions into bad behaviour won't help anyone, least of all himself! You have got to be tougher on him and the first thing you should do is stop him seeing the other boy! If he bunks off school to be with him then you punish him. You are in charge, don't let him rule your life!
It would be a very good idea to cut off something you give him. If you send him to the boys home then you could stop and say you are busy, or cut off pocket money , if you give him any, for a few examples. Or try putting a fight between them (not if you are an honest person) to spark and end of the friendship to seperate them and become enemys, then (the costy bit) would be to move house again and change schools to somewhere very very far away from the school your son currently go to, so that they don't appologise and remain enemys. IF YOU REALLY NEED TO, get a lawyer and sue the family for child abuseļ¼Hope this helps for you !!~~~~
No and no.
i broke up with my ex hubby 3 years ago and my son was 10. he was deeply upset and he would punch doors run away to anyone of my family who would let him stay there. he never got into trouble at school and never got into trouble in any other way. so i do have sympathy for you. i don't think your son should be watching these films but i think there is the under lying problem, you need to talk to your son and ask him how you can help him. spend time with him doing he things he likes and then maybe you can get him to trust you enough for him to chat to you about how he his feeling, i used to do this while in the car he as no where to run too, you don't have to make eye contact cause your driving and by the time you get there he will have calmed down if hes got cross with you. but i kept telling my son i loved him so much and i wanted to help him and for him to be happy. my son is fine now, still doing well at school, doing his exams a year early and people always say to me what a great lad he his. i hope this helps, good luck
Jane, a small point first. The separation from your husband is obviously going to have an emotional effect on your child and leave him temporarily venerable. It is natural that he will look to reestablish stability in his life. In his case, this stability comes through making friends. Quite often children with weaker personalities, tend to group with 'unruly' children. This is because the weaker personality is easier lead and other children can pick up on these personality traits. You son's friend however, is probably only a passing phase. I would suggest that you encourage your son and his friend to come to your house on a regular basis. This will give you an opportunity to supervise your son, to keep an eye on his friend and to get some grass roots information on the kind of things that they are getting up to. If he must watch horror movies make sure that he clearly understands the difference between reality and fantasy. If at all possible, discuss the movies with him. Realistically, a mild dose of gore is not going to harm a 9 year old male but it is important as parents that we ensure that our children understand the difference between movieland and real life.
You should be tougher on him and stop blaming yourself or feeling guilty! If this doesnt stop now it could get worst as he gets older!
Kids love scary movies and they are able to handle them as long as you choose the right movies to show them. Obviously any movies with violence or gore or mature themes are not suitable at all.
But there are a lot of movies that have nice child-friendly themes and are perfect for your child to get a little scare but not enough to cause nightmares. Here's a link to a list of scary movies that are suitable for kids:
http://www.scaryforkids.com/top-20-best-.
Make sure you read a little about them before allowing your child to watch. Very young kids or kids that are very sensitive may be a little too scared. But older kids can handle them easily. At 9, your son will be well able for any scary movies on that list.
The Goosebumps series of TV episodes on DVD is an excellent choice also. They're appropriate for all kids young and old. You can find a list of available episodes here:
http://www.scaryforkids.com/goosebumps-e.
No, let him when you feel comfortable with it
9 is still too young to watch horror movies. They can tell themselves it's not real, but they aren't really convinced. They internalize what they see in the movie and can develop fears of different things. This kid your son is hanging out with is manipulating him, and in turn your son is manipulating you. As the parent you have to ensure he is making the right choices, and this kid is bad news. Plus he's not even being a good friend to your son, he's keeping him around as a mental punching bag. Don't let the guilt make you let your son do whatever he wants. Kids still need guidance, rules and direction. If he continues to have problems you might want to take him to an adolescent counselor for help, he's dealing with a lot as are all of you, but he still needs rules. Good Luck.
let him have a sleep over with this other friend put on a real scary movie and scare them half to death they wont watch them again and also if his friend gets scared he can stand up to him if he teases him or misleeds him
It all depends on the child.I have one daughter(13) who can't stand horror films,they scare the pants of her,but my other daughter(11) really loves to watch them,she has since she has been about 9.She is very well aware that the movie isn't real,A horror film has never given her a nightmare.I don't know how she thinks it,but she says that most horror films a little funny.
Yeah, just be sure he/she will not be so scared!!
I sympathize. My boys are 9 and 10.
It's not just a phase, its a lifestyle hes entering unless you get him out. Horror movies put horrible things in kids' heads. You figure it out.
Be strong now, because you won't be able to control him later. If necessary, send him to a different school. But be kind (not pathetic or apologetic, just kind) in your explanation.
"I care about you and your life. I only have one chance to help you learn to make good choices. It's not time for you to make them on your own yet, so this is what I'm doing. I love you. It's not easy to make you angry at me, but if it helps keep you safe ,it's worth it."
Our family motto is KINDNESS, SAFETY, RESPONSIBILITY and RESPECT. If he demonstrates these values praise and reward him. When he doesn't, give consequences and explain why.
And last, get over the guilt about his dad. Explain that even though you may disagree with his dad you will always treat him with respect. Good luck, I'm pulling for you.
Be consistent and he will be back on track.
Good luck.
You can't let your guilt guide your parenting decisions. Your son needs better guidance from you, no matter how hard that may be on you. He is going down the wrong path and now is the time to stop it. Be firmer, let him know what you expect from him and what you would like to see him accomplish.
I am divorced and have four kids (two about your son's age). I know how the guilt can affect you. However, you still have to be the one in charge- don't let him take over. Horror movies are not appropriate for 9 year olds! You are clearly a good parent with good instincts. Follow those instincts and make sure your son knows who the boss is. That is what he needs from you.
i hope it's not too late
keep your kid away from this sort of influence
support him in every way you can, but protect him from these influences
my 9 yr old saw part of a docu on genghis khan, and slept badly for several days
i don't think we realise how the minds of these little people can be affected
good luck to you and your son
why do young mums get bad remarks all the time im 17 and still earn my own money and study?
conceiving !?
is that right there is a new vaccine for babies that start on September?
How good is the use of ketamine during the delivery?
ok my grandma told me somtimes girls get a false period and i had that i think cause i only had it for a day?
Parents, is having children really great or do you secretly think it sux? Please be honest I need to know!?
My 15-YEAR-OLD daughter says she wants to be a PROSTITUTE? HELP!?
my 5 month old daughter is wakening at least 6 times a night. how can i get her to sleep all night?
I have noticed a serious change in him (the way he is with me & his little brother).
Do all kids go through this 'fase' or should I be tougher on him, which is hard as he took the seperation badly & I feel guilty.
Advice would be very welcome, Jane xxx.
Answers:
Jane,
While it is true that kids go through phases, as a few people have said on here the main issue is your son's friend. If you are worried that he will rebel, have a word with his teacher / form teacher, he / she can split them up in class & it will appear that it is his teacher & not you (so no need to act rebelious) + at 9 when seperated in class usually make new friends with whom they sit by therefore a possible end to their friendship.
Do speak to his teacher though as they will rather help than have 2 pupils playing truant.
not yet...
Children do not realise it is all make beleive. Even we forget when we watch this stuff which is why we enjoy it. Some of these people should be charged with child abuse.
I don't think that ur kid should see horor movies, coz it may effected ur childs mental growth. And he may be cowed too to whole life.
you need to be tougher , 9 is to young to watch horror movies forbid your son from seeing this bad influence,IE this other boy. keep a very close eye on your son he needs guidance ..you will be doing your son a favor mmake sure you tell your son you love him and want the best for him
I think all kids try this on, but you need to be firm with him. I've been through hell with my eldest from him being 9, he's 11 now and is now having to get anger management because of his increasing volitile temper and completely unacceptable attitude.
I don't think watching horror movies is the major factor here, although there are obviously some movies or things in movies that kids just don't need to see, but I think the major issue is trying to stop your child bunking off school, and trying to get his behaviour to improve. You could try a scare tactic with him for the bunking off school, have a word with the local police station and ask whether one of the officers could come round and scare him in to going to school, obviously without letting on that you've had a word with him and that he isn't really in trouble with the law.
As for his behaviour, I think it's gonna take time and you being strict as hard as this may be on you, if you don't take control now it will get out of hand, believe me I know :o(
Good luck in this.
I think that you have to quickly get things back under control because it seems as if you have lost control of things! You have to put your foot down with your son! Yes, he is too young to watch horror movies and it seems as if this kids parents do not respect your wishes. You should not allow your child to interact with this kid because he seems to be a bad influence on him. He has no right to threaten to bunk school etc to get his own way. You need to get this kid back into line otherwise you going to have a bigger problem on your hands.
No, better no.
I can imagine how hard it is for you. Just try to remember that you are the mom and just because you set rules doesn't mean that you don't love your son. Sometimes we have to get tough to protect them from people that are just into no good. Also, as a rule of mine I tell my daughter there is a time for everything. A time to date, a time to go to a club, a time for that first kiss, and there will be a time for your soon to see Horror films. The movie is rated for a reason. There is no need for your son to be exposed to the violence associated with Horror movies. Be strong, but set the rules! Good Luck :)
Jane
Please don't let your 9yr old watch programmes like that. His we mind is working over time now with the split up form his dad, Try getting him PG films or funny films,theres one out now and its so funny CLICK you call it, no voilents,sex are fighting in it. Also its about a little boy. I think he would enjoy that
talk through the problem with school, they can help. Kids are badly affected by horror and can be long lasting. The children who killed Jamie Bulger had been watching horror films.
Think about a new school before your boy is 11
use your own raising as reference. when was the first time you remember see a horror flick or slasher movie. take that and memories of how your parents taught you things about them and how they comforted you when hiding under your bed. if you were nine or younger he should be alright.
Your Son,is angry ,hurt and confussed about you Guys separation,thats why he,s acting out,Please my friend,you need to get him into counseling,Right away,before its to late to stop him on the bad road he,s on!I will pray for all of you1god bless,hollywood
Kids don't realise that everything is just make-believe in horror films, especially not at 9 years old. They can be badly traumatised, and there are good reasons that films have age certificates attached.
Letting your son continue down that path woiuld not be doing him any favours. And by saying "if you don't let me I'll bunk off" he's putting himself in the commanding position over you through emotional blackmail. Maybe even sub-consciously punishing you for separating from your husband.
So you shouldn't give in to him, but take lots of time with him to explain why you are being firm.
Our role as parents is to help children understand what's acceptable and what isn't, and I believe kids do realise and appreciate when their parents are trying to do the best for them, even if on the surface they may rebel.
It may be a good idea to use some outside help for you and your family to get through this phase; why not ask for some counselling?
All the best.
Wake up, your son is not going through a 'phase'. And he is way too young to be shoplifting and watching horror films. He has fallen in with a bad crowd; that is not a phase.
He needs help and he needs it now. He is acting out anger and hostility and is on his way to a lot of trouble.
Get to your gp, explain the problem and get him counselling. You need help and support as well.
I don't think that being hard with him will solve the problem, it will just push him away.
No, my daughter watched a horror film at a friends party when she was that age and it really scared her.
Do not feel guilty, why should you, children can be quite impressionable, do what you think is best for your child, he has you and his brother he will make other friends.
it can if not very scary
You know your son better than anyone, can he deal with horror films? My friends son would have nightmares and wet the bed if he saw the children's programme "Goosebumps" but my son would take it in his stride.
However, I don't think the films are your biggest problem right now! At 9 he shouldn't be going through this phase. This behaviour has to be stopped now, truanting, shop lifting etc it sounds like an ASBO waiting to happen, don't let it be your son!
Its sad that he took your separation badly but channelling his emotions into bad behaviour won't help anyone, least of all himself! You have got to be tougher on him and the first thing you should do is stop him seeing the other boy! If he bunks off school to be with him then you punish him. You are in charge, don't let him rule your life!
It would be a very good idea to cut off something you give him. If you send him to the boys home then you could stop and say you are busy, or cut off pocket money , if you give him any, for a few examples. Or try putting a fight between them (not if you are an honest person) to spark and end of the friendship to seperate them and become enemys, then (the costy bit) would be to move house again and change schools to somewhere very very far away from the school your son currently go to, so that they don't appologise and remain enemys. IF YOU REALLY NEED TO, get a lawyer and sue the family for child abuseļ¼Hope this helps for you !!~~~~
No and no.
i broke up with my ex hubby 3 years ago and my son was 10. he was deeply upset and he would punch doors run away to anyone of my family who would let him stay there. he never got into trouble at school and never got into trouble in any other way. so i do have sympathy for you. i don't think your son should be watching these films but i think there is the under lying problem, you need to talk to your son and ask him how you can help him. spend time with him doing he things he likes and then maybe you can get him to trust you enough for him to chat to you about how he his feeling, i used to do this while in the car he as no where to run too, you don't have to make eye contact cause your driving and by the time you get there he will have calmed down if hes got cross with you. but i kept telling my son i loved him so much and i wanted to help him and for him to be happy. my son is fine now, still doing well at school, doing his exams a year early and people always say to me what a great lad he his. i hope this helps, good luck
Jane, a small point first. The separation from your husband is obviously going to have an emotional effect on your child and leave him temporarily venerable. It is natural that he will look to reestablish stability in his life. In his case, this stability comes through making friends. Quite often children with weaker personalities, tend to group with 'unruly' children. This is because the weaker personality is easier lead and other children can pick up on these personality traits. You son's friend however, is probably only a passing phase. I would suggest that you encourage your son and his friend to come to your house on a regular basis. This will give you an opportunity to supervise your son, to keep an eye on his friend and to get some grass roots information on the kind of things that they are getting up to. If he must watch horror movies make sure that he clearly understands the difference between reality and fantasy. If at all possible, discuss the movies with him. Realistically, a mild dose of gore is not going to harm a 9 year old male but it is important as parents that we ensure that our children understand the difference between movieland and real life.
You should be tougher on him and stop blaming yourself or feeling guilty! If this doesnt stop now it could get worst as he gets older!
Kids love scary movies and they are able to handle them as long as you choose the right movies to show them. Obviously any movies with violence or gore or mature themes are not suitable at all.
But there are a lot of movies that have nice child-friendly themes and are perfect for your child to get a little scare but not enough to cause nightmares. Here's a link to a list of scary movies that are suitable for kids:
http://www.scaryforkids.com/top-20-best-.
Make sure you read a little about them before allowing your child to watch. Very young kids or kids that are very sensitive may be a little too scared. But older kids can handle them easily. At 9, your son will be well able for any scary movies on that list.
The Goosebumps series of TV episodes on DVD is an excellent choice also. They're appropriate for all kids young and old. You can find a list of available episodes here:
http://www.scaryforkids.com/goosebumps-e.
No, let him when you feel comfortable with it
9 is still too young to watch horror movies. They can tell themselves it's not real, but they aren't really convinced. They internalize what they see in the movie and can develop fears of different things. This kid your son is hanging out with is manipulating him, and in turn your son is manipulating you. As the parent you have to ensure he is making the right choices, and this kid is bad news. Plus he's not even being a good friend to your son, he's keeping him around as a mental punching bag. Don't let the guilt make you let your son do whatever he wants. Kids still need guidance, rules and direction. If he continues to have problems you might want to take him to an adolescent counselor for help, he's dealing with a lot as are all of you, but he still needs rules. Good Luck.
let him have a sleep over with this other friend put on a real scary movie and scare them half to death they wont watch them again and also if his friend gets scared he can stand up to him if he teases him or misleeds him
It all depends on the child.I have one daughter(13) who can't stand horror films,they scare the pants of her,but my other daughter(11) really loves to watch them,she has since she has been about 9.She is very well aware that the movie isn't real,A horror film has never given her a nightmare.I don't know how she thinks it,but she says that most horror films a little funny.
Yeah, just be sure he/she will not be so scared!!
I sympathize. My boys are 9 and 10.
It's not just a phase, its a lifestyle hes entering unless you get him out. Horror movies put horrible things in kids' heads. You figure it out.
Be strong now, because you won't be able to control him later. If necessary, send him to a different school. But be kind (not pathetic or apologetic, just kind) in your explanation.
"I care about you and your life. I only have one chance to help you learn to make good choices. It's not time for you to make them on your own yet, so this is what I'm doing. I love you. It's not easy to make you angry at me, but if it helps keep you safe ,it's worth it."
Our family motto is KINDNESS, SAFETY, RESPONSIBILITY and RESPECT. If he demonstrates these values praise and reward him. When he doesn't, give consequences and explain why.
And last, get over the guilt about his dad. Explain that even though you may disagree with his dad you will always treat him with respect. Good luck, I'm pulling for you.
Be consistent and he will be back on track.
Good luck.
You can't let your guilt guide your parenting decisions. Your son needs better guidance from you, no matter how hard that may be on you. He is going down the wrong path and now is the time to stop it. Be firmer, let him know what you expect from him and what you would like to see him accomplish.
I am divorced and have four kids (two about your son's age). I know how the guilt can affect you. However, you still have to be the one in charge- don't let him take over. Horror movies are not appropriate for 9 year olds! You are clearly a good parent with good instincts. Follow those instincts and make sure your son knows who the boss is. That is what he needs from you.
i hope it's not too late
keep your kid away from this sort of influence
support him in every way you can, but protect him from these influences
my 9 yr old saw part of a docu on genghis khan, and slept badly for several days
i don't think we realise how the minds of these little people can be affected
good luck to you and your son
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