Why does my son behave with me but not his mum?
i have him 3 or 4 nights a week and i never have a problem with him. so why does he misbehave with his mum?
Answers:
Probably because she lets him do whatever he wants. Parents that let their children run wild don't get respect from their kids. If you say no and mean no, but she says no and gives in after he whines..of course he doesn't respect her! My kids used to listen to Daddy and behave, but not do it for me. I got really mad at having to yell and get in their face , but I didn't want to be strict. Screw that. Now no means no and whining, fits, or constantly asking will no longer change the answer. I took back my parental control and they listen to me now. Cause they know if they don't, I will follow through with consequences. Well disciplined children are a blessing, not tortured or repressed. Sounds like she needs to quit being his friend and start being his Mom. It worked for me!
He seems to respect you more than his mum.. that or he is more afraid of you then her.
I don't know. my kids do the same thing.
Oh, it's a classic. It has something to do with men and women being different, whether it's cultural roles or nature I don't know. But mom ususally is "the nice guy" and dad stricter. Children sense this and behave accordingly.
could be she lets him get away with more than you do..so he behaves better. My kids were the same way..they behaved better with someone else ( not only with their father) than me..I admit I let them get away with more than others do..
Male children learn how to react to their mothers from the interaction of their father and mother. I'm saying. do you, in front of your son, always treat her opinions with full respect? Or do you demean her opinion and always appear to be 'the boss' with your son even when she is there?
Try this and you will see what I am referring to.
The next time both of you have your son at the same time and he ask for something or to do something, say, "You have to ask your mother because that is not up to me." Then stand by her decision completely.
If you continue to do this enough times, he will begin to respect her authority because you do and you are his male role model.
I think that your son knows what his boundries are with you (ie he knows that if he climbs the sofa he will get time out and will not get out of it), but with his mother she may unintentionally allows him to push his boundries (ie if he goes on time out he can walk off and get away with it). I reckon that she needs to be a little firmer (not nessary smacking) and set guidelines for him. In the end this will equal to more respect between the son and mother
yes , children recognize the father as the strict one, and the mom as the pushover. and after a few months of this, the mom gets frustrated, so she'll threaten the kids with their father (i.e. im going to tell your father.") which only makes her authority less powerful, and makes the fathers more powerful.
I
I BABYSIT, HAVE FOR OVER 30 YEARS, ALL KIDS MIND THEIR DADS BETTER, MISS BEHAVE MORE WITH THEIR MOMS, BECAUSE DADS MAKE THE KIDS MIND, MOMS LET KIDS GET AWAY WITH MORE, THERE FOR THEY MISS BEHAVE MORE, I HAVE ONE CHILD IN MY DAYCARE, THAT YOU WOULD THINK IS A DIFFERENT CHILD IF HE'S WITH HIS DAD INSTEAD OF HIS MOM, BUT I THINK MOST KIDS MISS BEHAVE MORE WITH THE MOM.
We had a very simular situation inour house my husband use to work 6 days a week and kids would drive me insane with all the fighting and back answering and I would be almost in tears most days..
Mind you my boys were 6yrs and twins 3 yrs. then only this year we changed role and my hub was the stay at home parent except the boys are now almost 9, twins 6 and a new addition 18mths and my house even though it can be really noisy is the HAPPIEST it has EVER been and I put it down to all the attention they are getting from their dad.
It not just 5 minutes or a bit here or there but undivided attention.
The boys tended to push all those emotional buttons in me and I would be tired and bogged down because I never had a break, so now Ben has taken over & the 'emotional blackmail' from the boys doesn't happen..
Maybe this is what is happening to you!
mums are abit soft sometimes and boys know they can push mum alot more than dad. This happens alot.
because she is allowing him to misbehave. Children need consistant rules and reactions from a parent. It is natural for a child to push to see what they can get away with. If they don't get the same response each time they keep pushing. She may be lax in this area.
it could be that you are more consistent in using a consequence for his behavior and he has learned it won't be tolerated. If his mum isn't consistent, then he will act up in that situation. Could he be angry with her for not seeing you more? Since kids don't always have the words, they will use their behavior to act out their anger. Without knowing the full situation, it is hard to tell what is truely causing his misbehavior.
Maybe he's crying out for attention from her? Maybe she's softer/easier to manipulate than you?
Maybe you're not there during the day when he's exhausted himself with your wife.
Talk to your wife. Give her tips on how you deal with your son. Maybe demonstrate a couple of methods as to how you interact with him in different situations, ie: if he's hungry/thirsty, if he doesn't want to play, if he won't take a bath etc.
Establish a united front in front of your son. Talk to him about it (if he's old enough)
Support your wife.
It dippends how you treat it.
Could be he wants to be a MAN like you not a woman. So in a way rebelling agianst her he thinks is more manyly. He needs you to show him theat men behave around women and its ok to have a woman boss. As welkl as how you behave togther.
Maybe she needs to do MAN type stuff with him and stuff.
The same would be the other way around.
Maybe you are stricter and bigger so more scarey.
or you dont take crap.
Maybe mum needs to do brave and macho things like bungy jump or fight a shark (ok not that) skydive. then kids may think hey mums cool
being a mom i know that kids have a way to get to their moms and my kids do the same thing moms tend to have a weak spot for their babys and the kids know this ..its very common
Perhaps you give him clearer boundaries, or perhaps he sees you as a friend and not a parent. If his mother is doing all of the discipline, then he's bound to see her as the "bad cop".
It sounds like you and your son's mother are not together, but you must be united on discipline and try and get to the root of your sons bad behaviour when with his mother.
He may blame his mother for the break up and you will both need to reassure him that you both had your own reasons for the break up. A separation for a child can be very hard, they will blame themselves and their parents, so you need to address this problem and reassure him that you both love him and will always be there for him.
Whatever differences you and your wife have, put them aside and focus on your child, you have to stay united for the sake of your son.
Probably because you have rules and consequences and are consistent in your parenting with him. Kids like to know what their boundaries and limitations are (despite the screaming and tears when they're punished). It gives them a sense of security.
His mother may not be as consistent or may not have any rules or consequences for him. I would talk with the mom and find out why she finds him disruptive. Good luck!
My son is like that with me too.I think he just wants more of my time and attention.Misbehaving is the sign of fustration.With my husband he just plays football and cars but with me he does the "mimeeee" thing.
i have a 15 year old son and although he worships the ground i walk on he is and can be an absolute nightmare.people tend to at whatever age take out their temper on the ones they love life is just confusing all round.life is a learning process every day is different for children aswell as adults.
Well, from my personal experience, kids will follow orders most from the dominating parent. My husband has worked almost all the time since our kids were young. I have mostly been a stay-at home mom (had a few jobs here and there). They will, more often than not, listen to me more readily than they will him. Reason being, I'm the one that runs the show the majority of the time. I make the rules and set the punishments. Now, other things could be at play such as acting up to get attention or it could be a lack of respect. If she is not being consistent in rules and punishments that could be some of it as well. Also, he may not know where his bounderies are with her and may be testing them. Also, he may have already made the distinction that he is around her more than you and wants to make the most of his time with you. I would advise asking him about it. Even if he is a little kid, he should be able to give you some kind of answer. Talk about it with him and make sure you emphasize that he does need to listen to her just as he does you.
Best of Luck!
kids know mums are push overs and are there to walk all over and always respect there dads - it's weird but true
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Answers:
Probably because she lets him do whatever he wants. Parents that let their children run wild don't get respect from their kids. If you say no and mean no, but she says no and gives in after he whines..of course he doesn't respect her! My kids used to listen to Daddy and behave, but not do it for me. I got really mad at having to yell and get in their face , but I didn't want to be strict. Screw that. Now no means no and whining, fits, or constantly asking will no longer change the answer. I took back my parental control and they listen to me now. Cause they know if they don't, I will follow through with consequences. Well disciplined children are a blessing, not tortured or repressed. Sounds like she needs to quit being his friend and start being his Mom. It worked for me!
He seems to respect you more than his mum.. that or he is more afraid of you then her.
I don't know. my kids do the same thing.
Oh, it's a classic. It has something to do with men and women being different, whether it's cultural roles or nature I don't know. But mom ususally is "the nice guy" and dad stricter. Children sense this and behave accordingly.
could be she lets him get away with more than you do..so he behaves better. My kids were the same way..they behaved better with someone else ( not only with their father) than me..I admit I let them get away with more than others do..
Male children learn how to react to their mothers from the interaction of their father and mother. I'm saying. do you, in front of your son, always treat her opinions with full respect? Or do you demean her opinion and always appear to be 'the boss' with your son even when she is there?
Try this and you will see what I am referring to.
The next time both of you have your son at the same time and he ask for something or to do something, say, "You have to ask your mother because that is not up to me." Then stand by her decision completely.
If you continue to do this enough times, he will begin to respect her authority because you do and you are his male role model.
I think that your son knows what his boundries are with you (ie he knows that if he climbs the sofa he will get time out and will not get out of it), but with his mother she may unintentionally allows him to push his boundries (ie if he goes on time out he can walk off and get away with it). I reckon that she needs to be a little firmer (not nessary smacking) and set guidelines for him. In the end this will equal to more respect between the son and mother
yes , children recognize the father as the strict one, and the mom as the pushover. and after a few months of this, the mom gets frustrated, so she'll threaten the kids with their father (i.e. im going to tell your father.") which only makes her authority less powerful, and makes the fathers more powerful.
I
I BABYSIT, HAVE FOR OVER 30 YEARS, ALL KIDS MIND THEIR DADS BETTER, MISS BEHAVE MORE WITH THEIR MOMS, BECAUSE DADS MAKE THE KIDS MIND, MOMS LET KIDS GET AWAY WITH MORE, THERE FOR THEY MISS BEHAVE MORE, I HAVE ONE CHILD IN MY DAYCARE, THAT YOU WOULD THINK IS A DIFFERENT CHILD IF HE'S WITH HIS DAD INSTEAD OF HIS MOM, BUT I THINK MOST KIDS MISS BEHAVE MORE WITH THE MOM.
We had a very simular situation inour house my husband use to work 6 days a week and kids would drive me insane with all the fighting and back answering and I would be almost in tears most days..
Mind you my boys were 6yrs and twins 3 yrs. then only this year we changed role and my hub was the stay at home parent except the boys are now almost 9, twins 6 and a new addition 18mths and my house even though it can be really noisy is the HAPPIEST it has EVER been and I put it down to all the attention they are getting from their dad.
It not just 5 minutes or a bit here or there but undivided attention.
The boys tended to push all those emotional buttons in me and I would be tired and bogged down because I never had a break, so now Ben has taken over & the 'emotional blackmail' from the boys doesn't happen..
Maybe this is what is happening to you!
mums are abit soft sometimes and boys know they can push mum alot more than dad. This happens alot.
because she is allowing him to misbehave. Children need consistant rules and reactions from a parent. It is natural for a child to push to see what they can get away with. If they don't get the same response each time they keep pushing. She may be lax in this area.
it could be that you are more consistent in using a consequence for his behavior and he has learned it won't be tolerated. If his mum isn't consistent, then he will act up in that situation. Could he be angry with her for not seeing you more? Since kids don't always have the words, they will use their behavior to act out their anger. Without knowing the full situation, it is hard to tell what is truely causing his misbehavior.
Maybe he's crying out for attention from her? Maybe she's softer/easier to manipulate than you?
Maybe you're not there during the day when he's exhausted himself with your wife.
Talk to your wife. Give her tips on how you deal with your son. Maybe demonstrate a couple of methods as to how you interact with him in different situations, ie: if he's hungry/thirsty, if he doesn't want to play, if he won't take a bath etc.
Establish a united front in front of your son. Talk to him about it (if he's old enough)
Support your wife.
It dippends how you treat it.
Could be he wants to be a MAN like you not a woman. So in a way rebelling agianst her he thinks is more manyly. He needs you to show him theat men behave around women and its ok to have a woman boss. As welkl as how you behave togther.
Maybe she needs to do MAN type stuff with him and stuff.
The same would be the other way around.
Maybe you are stricter and bigger so more scarey.
or you dont take crap.
Maybe mum needs to do brave and macho things like bungy jump or fight a shark (ok not that) skydive. then kids may think hey mums cool
being a mom i know that kids have a way to get to their moms and my kids do the same thing moms tend to have a weak spot for their babys and the kids know this ..its very common
Perhaps you give him clearer boundaries, or perhaps he sees you as a friend and not a parent. If his mother is doing all of the discipline, then he's bound to see her as the "bad cop".
It sounds like you and your son's mother are not together, but you must be united on discipline and try and get to the root of your sons bad behaviour when with his mother.
He may blame his mother for the break up and you will both need to reassure him that you both had your own reasons for the break up. A separation for a child can be very hard, they will blame themselves and their parents, so you need to address this problem and reassure him that you both love him and will always be there for him.
Whatever differences you and your wife have, put them aside and focus on your child, you have to stay united for the sake of your son.
Probably because you have rules and consequences and are consistent in your parenting with him. Kids like to know what their boundaries and limitations are (despite the screaming and tears when they're punished). It gives them a sense of security.
His mother may not be as consistent or may not have any rules or consequences for him. I would talk with the mom and find out why she finds him disruptive. Good luck!
My son is like that with me too.I think he just wants more of my time and attention.Misbehaving is the sign of fustration.With my husband he just plays football and cars but with me he does the "mimeeee" thing.
i have a 15 year old son and although he worships the ground i walk on he is and can be an absolute nightmare.people tend to at whatever age take out their temper on the ones they love life is just confusing all round.life is a learning process every day is different for children aswell as adults.
Well, from my personal experience, kids will follow orders most from the dominating parent. My husband has worked almost all the time since our kids were young. I have mostly been a stay-at home mom (had a few jobs here and there). They will, more often than not, listen to me more readily than they will him. Reason being, I'm the one that runs the show the majority of the time. I make the rules and set the punishments. Now, other things could be at play such as acting up to get attention or it could be a lack of respect. If she is not being consistent in rules and punishments that could be some of it as well. Also, he may not know where his bounderies are with her and may be testing them. Also, he may have already made the distinction that he is around her more than you and wants to make the most of his time with you. I would advise asking him about it. Even if he is a little kid, he should be able to give you some kind of answer. Talk about it with him and make sure you emphasize that he does need to listen to her just as he does you.
Best of Luck!
kids know mums are push overs and are there to walk all over and always respect there dads - it's weird but true
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