Why does my wife persist in telling our 7 year old son that I am a drunk?
I used to drink a lot several years ago. When my son was born I cut down to an acceptable level with the occassional outbreak. Once or twice a year at most. I havent had a drink for months and months. In not abstaining from it, I just dont fancy a drink at this stage in my life. I am hardworking and my wife and I have been seperated for 4 years. Every opportunity she gets she tells my son that dad is a drunk and he would prefer to see his mates in the pub rather than come to see him. I have only missed two weekends to see my son in 4 years. My whole world revolves around him. How can I stop her poisining him. I am at my wits end.
Answers:
you cant, thats what happens when people divorce, i love my dad although he was a drunk who beat my mother, as she still reminds me. Good poeple can sometimes do bad things, that fact that you have changed for the better and love you son will outwiegh anything his mother tells him, even if it doesnt seem like it now and takes a while to happen.
she is horrible
unfortunately she can say whatever she wants to him. she's his mom. the best you can do is prove to him that you aren't. eventually he'll figure out that she's a liar. when he can think for himself.
Yikes! She's a little bitter huh? My mom used to tell me things like that about my father, and it didn't stop until I got old enough to tell her that I didn't appreciate it anymore.
your son will see through her lies and good on you dont let her drag you back into the past
if she doesn't have a black eye, you haven't told that psychotic woman anything YET.get to it and good luck.
She's spewing her negative feelings about you onto her child. It's not fair to you or your son. You might need to bring in a mediator so you two can agree on what's appropriate language around a seven year old.
Plenty of people are social drinkers and good parents.
Well, that doesn't sound very nice but of course I don't know the whole situation. I know my partner loves our son but he does nothing to show it and I actually feel that he would rather be in the pub with his mates than at home with his family. Maybe that's how you have made your wife feel. Whether you have meant to or not and no matter what you TELL someone, it can be very hard believing it if you aren't doing as you are expected. I'm not saying you're not doing enough or that she expects too much but it could be one of those two things or it could be that you have done something to make her feel like that.
Eventually your son will be old enough to see that she is manipulating him. Keep visiting him regularly and reassure him about your progress. My neice and nephew figured out their dad was telling lies about my sister about the time they turned 10. If you don't give up on your relationship with your son I don' t think she'll be able to destroy it.
most women that are hurt, or upset will do anything to make the other parent look like crap. But she is probably scared of loosing her son to you. Most kids that do not live with there father/mother like visiting them more than staying home with main parent. Talk to her about it. Tell her your true feelings. Tell her you are not talking bad about her and that she should not do that about you. Let her know that the bad things she says about you can reflect in your son, meaning it could make him think that because you had a drinking problem that he will also, it can hurt your son, let her know that.
Explain to your son that whatever is said you love him and will always be there for him. Dont fall into the trap of telling him his mother is a liar or say anything bad about her, he will see for himself that you are a good person and that he can rely on you and trust you. Children are very good at seeing the truth and making there own judgements. If you are always there it will come right and your relationship with him wont be damaged.
you can't do anything about it at this moment just don't let it get you downand prove to your son that you are not a drunk.I done just that and now my son only trusts me he will not even talk to his mum and thats not right either but it was all her own fault
shes a stupid *****. tell ur son that she is a persistent liar
good for you for straightening up. keep up the good
work. unfortunately, you can't control what she says
when you aren't around. you can control what you do.
if your son brings it up admit that you aren't perfect and
have made some mistakes. then point out that you are
seriously trying to do better and ask him if he ever sees
you drunk or even drinking. you can even suggest that
he tell you if you do anything he doesn't understand or
that upsets him. gradually he will see the truth for himself.
there is nothing you can do about her ,unless you talk to her and explain it is not fair on your son. you sound like a very caring father and has your son gets older he will see the truth for himself, just do what you are doing being the best dad you can.
Because she's jealous of the bond you guys have I guess, Scared sh**less of your son might want to live with you, But don't take it! There are instances that will help you solve this absolutely horrible problem. She should never talk bad, even if she is absolutely right about whatever she's telling, about you to your child, that's child abuse!
She's poisening his mind against you,horrible cow.You'll just have to wait until he's old eneough to understand your side of the story.You have one consolation,you don't live with her anymore.
Shame on your wife. After a divorce either parent should not down grade the other in front of the child (ren). If you are doing like you say you are, then don't worry about it too much, your child will eventually see for himself that you are not drinking. This will eventually turn against your ex for doing the lying in the first place. Whatever you do, do not fall prey and sink as low as she is when it comes to you talking to your child.
well all u can do is reasure ur son that he is ur world and be with him as much as u can and if ur not going to be w/him on ur weekend make sure YOU tell him because he is old enough to talk to u and understand some of what is going on..my question is were u absent the first 2 or so years of his life while u and ur wife were still together? due to ur drinking? be honest w/her and tell her to stop because it is sad that she would trash talk u in front of ur son, because it sounds like u want to be a dad and that's great.wish my two had a dad like that! he drives a big rig and is never home and they stay w/their step-mom on his weekends! so cudos to u and just keep loving him!
Well, she is telling him this to hurt you.
I say talk to your son when it comes up again. Admit that you are an alcoholic, but have taken actions that put you in the recovery phase of it. Tell him, yes I do occasionally drink some, but not like it used to be. Explain that daddy only comes to see him these days because that is the arrangement set forth, and you would come more, but aren't really allowed. The two times you didn't come, you had reasons for, and regretted missing the visit. If he asks why mommy says that about you, explain that you loved one another (and still do in some crazy ways) and that mommies feelings might be hurt, so she is saying things that are hurtful.
Then go to the judge or your lawyer and tell them what is going on. Or tell her that you know she's says these things, but it is inappropriate, and it makes her the childish, then say but don't worry, I won't sink to your level tell our son any of your horrible or inappropriate secrets.
I would tell her that she is hurting her children! What does that due to their ego's? Is she so insecure about herself that she needs to be validated through a child eyes, even at the risk of hurting them?
I would tell her that the rule should be that you both show kindness and respect towards each other regarding the kids. Your marriage falling apart was hard enough for them and what good could it possibly due to hurt them! If this doesn't stop I would threaten her with you being interested in seeking full custody on the grounds of mental cruelty, her words are abusive!
You may want to add that if your son doesn't respect you because of her at a much late age he will resent her for destroying his relationship with you!
Good luck and I would see legal advice. I believe every court house has a legal library and can offer free advice!
that's terrible- the only thing i can suggest is that you keep being mr nice guy don't say mean things about her back. your son will be able to work things out for himself and he will see that if she is the negative spiteful one and you are the positive kind one who he believes
How do you know she is telling him this?
Simply ask her to stop, in front of the child. Nicely, without any anger simply say "I'd appreciate it if you don't run me down in front of xxxx. You know I no longer drink heavily."
No fights, no arguments. You're a man, aren't you? You can sort out a minor problem like this one, I'm sure.
tell her to stop you guys can get some kind of counseling if your son is old enough sit him down and talk to him tell him his daddy loves you and tell him you haven't had a drink in a long time but tell him you used to drink a lot but now your not interested he might learn a listen and stay away from it to
She needs some serious counseling!! That's sick! No one should ever burden their child with the animosity that they have for the other person. Thats just wrong!! Have you talked with her about this? That's the first step..I don't really know any other suggestions, but try to reason with her....(but if I was you, I would've had one of my sisters jump her *ss!!)
she probably don't want him turning out like you.
Carry on doing what your doing and your son will grow up and see that what she says isn't true.
I'm a little astounded the woman doesn't understand this. Even if you were a drunk it's not her place to influence your child like this.
She sounds like a petty silly woman who can't let go of her own grudges to be able to allow her child a happy upbringing.
well maby your wife has a right to tell you son you a durnk hog. cut dringing for good and maby you life wont suck. i think you son has a right to no if you ask me. when he gets older he will no and if you tell him when he gets older he wont fell ashamed!!'
your a idiot
PROVE TO HIM THAT UE NOT A DRUNK AND LEAD HIM TO UNDERSTAND THATS WHTA I DID TO MY LITTLE SISTER MY DAD DOES THE SAME TO MY MOM !!
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Answers:
you cant, thats what happens when people divorce, i love my dad although he was a drunk who beat my mother, as she still reminds me. Good poeple can sometimes do bad things, that fact that you have changed for the better and love you son will outwiegh anything his mother tells him, even if it doesnt seem like it now and takes a while to happen.
she is horrible
unfortunately she can say whatever she wants to him. she's his mom. the best you can do is prove to him that you aren't. eventually he'll figure out that she's a liar. when he can think for himself.
Yikes! She's a little bitter huh? My mom used to tell me things like that about my father, and it didn't stop until I got old enough to tell her that I didn't appreciate it anymore.
your son will see through her lies and good on you dont let her drag you back into the past
if she doesn't have a black eye, you haven't told that psychotic woman anything YET.get to it and good luck.
She's spewing her negative feelings about you onto her child. It's not fair to you or your son. You might need to bring in a mediator so you two can agree on what's appropriate language around a seven year old.
Plenty of people are social drinkers and good parents.
Well, that doesn't sound very nice but of course I don't know the whole situation. I know my partner loves our son but he does nothing to show it and I actually feel that he would rather be in the pub with his mates than at home with his family. Maybe that's how you have made your wife feel. Whether you have meant to or not and no matter what you TELL someone, it can be very hard believing it if you aren't doing as you are expected. I'm not saying you're not doing enough or that she expects too much but it could be one of those two things or it could be that you have done something to make her feel like that.
Eventually your son will be old enough to see that she is manipulating him. Keep visiting him regularly and reassure him about your progress. My neice and nephew figured out their dad was telling lies about my sister about the time they turned 10. If you don't give up on your relationship with your son I don' t think she'll be able to destroy it.
most women that are hurt, or upset will do anything to make the other parent look like crap. But she is probably scared of loosing her son to you. Most kids that do not live with there father/mother like visiting them more than staying home with main parent. Talk to her about it. Tell her your true feelings. Tell her you are not talking bad about her and that she should not do that about you. Let her know that the bad things she says about you can reflect in your son, meaning it could make him think that because you had a drinking problem that he will also, it can hurt your son, let her know that.
Explain to your son that whatever is said you love him and will always be there for him. Dont fall into the trap of telling him his mother is a liar or say anything bad about her, he will see for himself that you are a good person and that he can rely on you and trust you. Children are very good at seeing the truth and making there own judgements. If you are always there it will come right and your relationship with him wont be damaged.
you can't do anything about it at this moment just don't let it get you downand prove to your son that you are not a drunk.I done just that and now my son only trusts me he will not even talk to his mum and thats not right either but it was all her own fault
shes a stupid *****. tell ur son that she is a persistent liar
good for you for straightening up. keep up the good
work. unfortunately, you can't control what she says
when you aren't around. you can control what you do.
if your son brings it up admit that you aren't perfect and
have made some mistakes. then point out that you are
seriously trying to do better and ask him if he ever sees
you drunk or even drinking. you can even suggest that
he tell you if you do anything he doesn't understand or
that upsets him. gradually he will see the truth for himself.
there is nothing you can do about her ,unless you talk to her and explain it is not fair on your son. you sound like a very caring father and has your son gets older he will see the truth for himself, just do what you are doing being the best dad you can.
Because she's jealous of the bond you guys have I guess, Scared sh**less of your son might want to live with you, But don't take it! There are instances that will help you solve this absolutely horrible problem. She should never talk bad, even if she is absolutely right about whatever she's telling, about you to your child, that's child abuse!
She's poisening his mind against you,horrible cow.You'll just have to wait until he's old eneough to understand your side of the story.You have one consolation,you don't live with her anymore.
Shame on your wife. After a divorce either parent should not down grade the other in front of the child (ren). If you are doing like you say you are, then don't worry about it too much, your child will eventually see for himself that you are not drinking. This will eventually turn against your ex for doing the lying in the first place. Whatever you do, do not fall prey and sink as low as she is when it comes to you talking to your child.
well all u can do is reasure ur son that he is ur world and be with him as much as u can and if ur not going to be w/him on ur weekend make sure YOU tell him because he is old enough to talk to u and understand some of what is going on..my question is were u absent the first 2 or so years of his life while u and ur wife were still together? due to ur drinking? be honest w/her and tell her to stop because it is sad that she would trash talk u in front of ur son, because it sounds like u want to be a dad and that's great.wish my two had a dad like that! he drives a big rig and is never home and they stay w/their step-mom on his weekends! so cudos to u and just keep loving him!
Well, she is telling him this to hurt you.
I say talk to your son when it comes up again. Admit that you are an alcoholic, but have taken actions that put you in the recovery phase of it. Tell him, yes I do occasionally drink some, but not like it used to be. Explain that daddy only comes to see him these days because that is the arrangement set forth, and you would come more, but aren't really allowed. The two times you didn't come, you had reasons for, and regretted missing the visit. If he asks why mommy says that about you, explain that you loved one another (and still do in some crazy ways) and that mommies feelings might be hurt, so she is saying things that are hurtful.
Then go to the judge or your lawyer and tell them what is going on. Or tell her that you know she's says these things, but it is inappropriate, and it makes her the childish, then say but don't worry, I won't sink to your level tell our son any of your horrible or inappropriate secrets.
I would tell her that she is hurting her children! What does that due to their ego's? Is she so insecure about herself that she needs to be validated through a child eyes, even at the risk of hurting them?
I would tell her that the rule should be that you both show kindness and respect towards each other regarding the kids. Your marriage falling apart was hard enough for them and what good could it possibly due to hurt them! If this doesn't stop I would threaten her with you being interested in seeking full custody on the grounds of mental cruelty, her words are abusive!
You may want to add that if your son doesn't respect you because of her at a much late age he will resent her for destroying his relationship with you!
Good luck and I would see legal advice. I believe every court house has a legal library and can offer free advice!
that's terrible- the only thing i can suggest is that you keep being mr nice guy don't say mean things about her back. your son will be able to work things out for himself and he will see that if she is the negative spiteful one and you are the positive kind one who he believes
How do you know she is telling him this?
Simply ask her to stop, in front of the child. Nicely, without any anger simply say "I'd appreciate it if you don't run me down in front of xxxx. You know I no longer drink heavily."
No fights, no arguments. You're a man, aren't you? You can sort out a minor problem like this one, I'm sure.
tell her to stop you guys can get some kind of counseling if your son is old enough sit him down and talk to him tell him his daddy loves you and tell him you haven't had a drink in a long time but tell him you used to drink a lot but now your not interested he might learn a listen and stay away from it to
She needs some serious counseling!! That's sick! No one should ever burden their child with the animosity that they have for the other person. Thats just wrong!! Have you talked with her about this? That's the first step..I don't really know any other suggestions, but try to reason with her....(but if I was you, I would've had one of my sisters jump her *ss!!)
she probably don't want him turning out like you.
Carry on doing what your doing and your son will grow up and see that what she says isn't true.
I'm a little astounded the woman doesn't understand this. Even if you were a drunk it's not her place to influence your child like this.
She sounds like a petty silly woman who can't let go of her own grudges to be able to allow her child a happy upbringing.
well maby your wife has a right to tell you son you a durnk hog. cut dringing for good and maby you life wont suck. i think you son has a right to no if you ask me. when he gets older he will no and if you tell him when he gets older he wont fell ashamed!!'
your a idiot
PROVE TO HIM THAT UE NOT A DRUNK AND LEAD HIM TO UNDERSTAND THATS WHTA I DID TO MY LITTLE SISTER MY DAD DOES THE SAME TO MY MOM !!
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