Help! my son has a phobia of people with missing limbs...?
My son who is 7 is due to start Junior school in a few days and at the new school is a pupil who has not got her hand. My son is absolutley petrifeid of going up to the new school because of this. We have sat down and explained that this pupil would not hurt him and that she has feelings too, and he understands all this and he is not being mailious or anything about this but he is really scared. He cried the whole time he was on a visit to the school and he just says that he is frightned of this pupil. I have been in contact with the school who basically said it's something he will have to get used to but how can i help him overcome this? The school don't want this pupil made to feel upset through this so they won't even consider "introducing" him to her so he can try and understand that she is just a normal little girl. The last thing i want to do is upset this other pupil with this but i am really in need of some ideas on what to do. I get the impression that the school dosen't care!
Answers:
Wow, this is a new one on me. I have worked with special needs children and adults for over twenty-five years. I do not understand the reluctance of the school over this, I would think that it would be less tramatising for everyone involved if there was a private meeting with the girl and your son before school started. It is going to be a lot more upsetting, in my opinion; for your son to be getting upset about this during the school day with other children involved. Is there any way that you can contact the girls parents and arrange a meeting on your own? The school would not be involved, and it may be an easier transition for both of them in the classroom. Children are generally more accepting of "differences" than adults, so this tells me that your son has heard of or seen something possibly in a book or movie or tv show about someone with a simular loss, and this just frightened him for some unknown reason. Have you tried to ask him why this frightens him so, and why he is so scared? He may not be able to voice what he is feeling very well, but you need to really get to the bottom of this as quickly as possible. Is there anyone else that you know who has a similar "disability," someone he sees all the time, but does not really notice that they are in a wheelchair because they have lost a leg or something along those lines? Possibly some other child started this with a statement of well you know Janie lost her hand when a monster bit it off or some other ridiculousness that kids can say. He could be feeding into that, and not even realizing it. I hope that you can utilize these suggestions, going to school and sending your child to school is enough of a stress-inducer all the way around, without having any added anxiety. Best of luck to you both. Have a nice day.
Give him a helping hand.
Social Phobics can be divided into groups though they may overlap. Generalized and Specialized. Specialized have a problem in a specific area such as
Writing in public
Speaking in public
Using public toilets
Eating in public
Using the telephone
Generalised feel discomfort in almost all social situations.
AVP or avoidant personality disorder is commonly associated with social phobia. But noone I've ever talked to can point out the exact difference between the two.
Prevalence:
The prevalence of social phobia varies from country to country due to cultural differences.
About 3.7% of Americans have social phobia. Source: NIMH on Social Phobia
2.3% of Australians have social phobia. Source: social-anxiety.org.uk
In fact most people have some symptoms of social phobia. It only becomes a disorder when those symptoms start to interfere with what you want or have to do. Its okay to be afraid of speaking in public, it is not okay to vomit everytime you think about speaking in public.
History of its recognition:
"The term "social phobia" dates back only to 1966, when Marks and Gelder (as cited in Barlow, 1988, p. 535) described "a condition in which the individual becomes very anxious in situations where he or she may be subject to scrutiny by others while performing a specific task." Social phobia was described further by Isaac Marks over a period of years (e.g., 1969, as cited in Barlow, 1988), and was finally recognized as an anxiety disorder by the American Psychological Association with the publication of the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1980." Source: Social Phobia: History, Etiology, and Risk Factors by Alicia Dawn Neelley Beth
Cause:
Some of the following are believed to be causes of social phobia
Links have been made to the amygdala, which is a region in the brain involved in transmitting quick fight or flight response
It is believed that it is inherited
It may be caused by enviromental factors such as observing the behaviours of others.
It is believed that it has a biological basis in the brain.
Unfortunatley not much more is known about the cause.
For more information see:
Social Phobia: History, Etiology, and Risk Factors by Alicia Dawn Neelley Beth
Or
Psychosocial and neurobiological mechanisms of social phobia
Cure:
There is none. The disorder however can be managed using several methods.
Medications: Such as SSRI's and benzodiazepines can relieve some of the anxiety. SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) are your common modern antidepressants such as Prozac, Paxil, Celexa and Lexapro. Other types of antidepressants are also used such as Effexor. Even though these drugs are used for depression they also significantly lower anxiety. Short acting Benzodiazepines such as Klonopin and Xanax can also help relieve symptoms.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be used to retrain the patient to realize the fear is not real and thus overcome it. This is the preferred method of treatment.
What Social Phobia is not
Social phobia is not shyness. Shyness is "having difficulty in creating a good rapport with the people one meets." Source :shyness FAQ
Social phobia on the other hand is anxiety or discomfort from socialising with people.
My Experience
I have had problems since and before primary school. It did not become a severe problem for me until high school, but I still managed to graduate. At first year of university things where fine, by second year I was having severe depression which involved thinking about killing myself every day for months on end. Eventually I did try due to a failed love relationship but fortunately I failed. After that I could no longer study properly and was failing most of my subjects even on a light load, others I was getting A's in. Everything I tried to do I failed at because of the enormous anxiety I was feeling.
I had a job in a nursing home in another city but had to quit due to stress and suicidal thoughts. I went and saw a psychiatrist about it. He did help me but could not cure me. I went through traditional talk therapy and cognitive therapy basics for about 4 or 5 years with him. During this time I also tried some different medications such as Prozac, Aurorix and Klonopin. I still to this day take SSRI antidepressants to keep my mood up from depression. After seeing no cure I tried various other things with no luck, hypno therapy, NLS, sport, diet, but no luck. In the end I had to go the hard way and do CBT, which is congnitive behavioural therapy.
CBT is normally done in groups but I managed to get very cheap CBT at my local university from some psychology students doing their pracs. I did it for about a year once a week, one hour sessions. I hated going so much that I mostly skipped every second session. Basically CBT encourages you to go out and face your fears then learn that they are irrational. Even after the CBT course I still practice facing my fears on a regular basis. But I can never get rid of the lingering anxiety I always have. I get panic attacks several times a week and am just about disabled. I work part time as a computer technician for my parents but I still have to face customers. Perhaps one day they there will be a cure but until then I will hobble along with my anxiety tied around my neck.
Some things that I really fear are:
The police, just seeing them makes me feel afraid
Going to church: Way too many people are in church and you cannot just walk out half way through
Large crowds: Parties make me sick so I have to leave early
Returning goods to a store:I had to do this the other day never again
I even get nervous doing simple things such as
Answering the phone
Filling in a form
Using usenet or web based forumns such as this one: I cannot do IRC, too many people and too fast
Walking down the street
Going shopping
Doing the gardening
Doing my washing
Driving down the road
Etc. etc..
My life now is not too bad. I generally have my symptoms and panic attacks under control, I use medication, CBT and several coping strategies to get me through the day. I am getting better slowly due to CBT. Eventually it will not bother me at all in about 10 years. My biggest wish is a cure for the disorder, not specifically for me but for those who have it worse than me. Perhaps one day genetic engineering will provide us that cure
Also check this site out: http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/self..
I hope your son overcomes this fear?
have you got time to send him to an acupuncturist? Or a reputable hypnotherapist might help. To be honest he may just have to be scared for a couple of days until it reaches 'normalisation'. It is an irrational fear and these can usually only be fixed by facing them.
It's probably not possible because of the Data Protection nonsense, but could you ask the school to pass your contact details to the girls parents? Maybe you could meet up before school starts, either with or without your children. It can't be easy for them either, so maybe they would appreciate the effort you are going to?
He will get used to it with repeated exposure, the shock value is probably what's making him act his way. He will see this girl being a normal kid at school enough times that it should end up losing it's effect eventually.
Until then just keep doing what you're doing and talking it over when he's upset, and make sure he doesn't say to any other kids that he is frightened of her, in case it gets back to the poor girl, and makes him unpopular!
I had a very bad phobia and in the end my GP recommended hypnotherapy. I was sceptical, but I went through a national organisation of registered hypnotherapists to finds one in my area. As I say, I was sceptical, but within only a couple of sessions my phobia was already much better and is very well controlled now.
Being that your son is obviously quite young I don't know if this is the best method for him, but maybe you could try talking to a hypnotherapist to see if this could be appropriate for your son.
Do you know what caused the phobia and where it stemmed from? Maybe if this can be figured out then you can work together to try to resolve it. Understanding a phobia and how they work can be a really good key to over coming it.
Good luck to you and your son.
maybe you could find out why this little girl is like this,
was she born this way, was it an accident that caused
it ? Maybe if your son knows the reason as to why
the girl is this way he will feel more comfortable.
maybe he's afraid it could happen to him? Or that
if he touches her it will happen to him. Give him the
comfort in knowing it WILL NOT happen to him.
let him know that others are this way too & that it's
the way a person acts that matters & not how they look.
good luck & hope this helps
hopefully in time he will learn not to be scared. i have a 15yr old scared of mexicans. as soon as she is near one she grabs my hand. so i know how u feel.
Why am i invisible when I am pushing my buggy through town?
does anyone know where i can buy dora the explorer party stuff from an irish web site besides ebay?
period's delay?
Opinions please on the British woman who gave birth at 62. I think it is both selfish and ill-advised.?
how does everyone?
My 12yr old is being very difficult (it cant just be an age thing)?
i did a pregnancy test my gp gave at home early this morning there was two very faint lines?
Where can i buy 2 cheap cots from?
Answers:
Wow, this is a new one on me. I have worked with special needs children and adults for over twenty-five years. I do not understand the reluctance of the school over this, I would think that it would be less tramatising for everyone involved if there was a private meeting with the girl and your son before school started. It is going to be a lot more upsetting, in my opinion; for your son to be getting upset about this during the school day with other children involved. Is there any way that you can contact the girls parents and arrange a meeting on your own? The school would not be involved, and it may be an easier transition for both of them in the classroom. Children are generally more accepting of "differences" than adults, so this tells me that your son has heard of or seen something possibly in a book or movie or tv show about someone with a simular loss, and this just frightened him for some unknown reason. Have you tried to ask him why this frightens him so, and why he is so scared? He may not be able to voice what he is feeling very well, but you need to really get to the bottom of this as quickly as possible. Is there anyone else that you know who has a similar "disability," someone he sees all the time, but does not really notice that they are in a wheelchair because they have lost a leg or something along those lines? Possibly some other child started this with a statement of well you know Janie lost her hand when a monster bit it off or some other ridiculousness that kids can say. He could be feeding into that, and not even realizing it. I hope that you can utilize these suggestions, going to school and sending your child to school is enough of a stress-inducer all the way around, without having any added anxiety. Best of luck to you both. Have a nice day.
Give him a helping hand.
Social Phobics can be divided into groups though they may overlap. Generalized and Specialized. Specialized have a problem in a specific area such as
Writing in public
Speaking in public
Using public toilets
Eating in public
Using the telephone
Generalised feel discomfort in almost all social situations.
AVP or avoidant personality disorder is commonly associated with social phobia. But noone I've ever talked to can point out the exact difference between the two.
Prevalence:
The prevalence of social phobia varies from country to country due to cultural differences.
About 3.7% of Americans have social phobia. Source: NIMH on Social Phobia
2.3% of Australians have social phobia. Source: social-anxiety.org.uk
In fact most people have some symptoms of social phobia. It only becomes a disorder when those symptoms start to interfere with what you want or have to do. Its okay to be afraid of speaking in public, it is not okay to vomit everytime you think about speaking in public.
History of its recognition:
"The term "social phobia" dates back only to 1966, when Marks and Gelder (as cited in Barlow, 1988, p. 535) described "a condition in which the individual becomes very anxious in situations where he or she may be subject to scrutiny by others while performing a specific task." Social phobia was described further by Isaac Marks over a period of years (e.g., 1969, as cited in Barlow, 1988), and was finally recognized as an anxiety disorder by the American Psychological Association with the publication of the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1980." Source: Social Phobia: History, Etiology, and Risk Factors by Alicia Dawn Neelley Beth
Cause:
Some of the following are believed to be causes of social phobia
Links have been made to the amygdala, which is a region in the brain involved in transmitting quick fight or flight response
It is believed that it is inherited
It may be caused by enviromental factors such as observing the behaviours of others.
It is believed that it has a biological basis in the brain.
Unfortunatley not much more is known about the cause.
For more information see:
Social Phobia: History, Etiology, and Risk Factors by Alicia Dawn Neelley Beth
Or
Psychosocial and neurobiological mechanisms of social phobia
Cure:
There is none. The disorder however can be managed using several methods.
Medications: Such as SSRI's and benzodiazepines can relieve some of the anxiety. SSRI's (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) are your common modern antidepressants such as Prozac, Paxil, Celexa and Lexapro. Other types of antidepressants are also used such as Effexor. Even though these drugs are used for depression they also significantly lower anxiety. Short acting Benzodiazepines such as Klonopin and Xanax can also help relieve symptoms.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be used to retrain the patient to realize the fear is not real and thus overcome it. This is the preferred method of treatment.
What Social Phobia is not
Social phobia is not shyness. Shyness is "having difficulty in creating a good rapport with the people one meets." Source :shyness FAQ
Social phobia on the other hand is anxiety or discomfort from socialising with people.
My Experience
I have had problems since and before primary school. It did not become a severe problem for me until high school, but I still managed to graduate. At first year of university things where fine, by second year I was having severe depression which involved thinking about killing myself every day for months on end. Eventually I did try due to a failed love relationship but fortunately I failed. After that I could no longer study properly and was failing most of my subjects even on a light load, others I was getting A's in. Everything I tried to do I failed at because of the enormous anxiety I was feeling.
I had a job in a nursing home in another city but had to quit due to stress and suicidal thoughts. I went and saw a psychiatrist about it. He did help me but could not cure me. I went through traditional talk therapy and cognitive therapy basics for about 4 or 5 years with him. During this time I also tried some different medications such as Prozac, Aurorix and Klonopin. I still to this day take SSRI antidepressants to keep my mood up from depression. After seeing no cure I tried various other things with no luck, hypno therapy, NLS, sport, diet, but no luck. In the end I had to go the hard way and do CBT, which is congnitive behavioural therapy.
CBT is normally done in groups but I managed to get very cheap CBT at my local university from some psychology students doing their pracs. I did it for about a year once a week, one hour sessions. I hated going so much that I mostly skipped every second session. Basically CBT encourages you to go out and face your fears then learn that they are irrational. Even after the CBT course I still practice facing my fears on a regular basis. But I can never get rid of the lingering anxiety I always have. I get panic attacks several times a week and am just about disabled. I work part time as a computer technician for my parents but I still have to face customers. Perhaps one day they there will be a cure but until then I will hobble along with my anxiety tied around my neck.
Some things that I really fear are:
The police, just seeing them makes me feel afraid
Going to church: Way too many people are in church and you cannot just walk out half way through
Large crowds: Parties make me sick so I have to leave early
Returning goods to a store:I had to do this the other day never again
I even get nervous doing simple things such as
Answering the phone
Filling in a form
Using usenet or web based forumns such as this one: I cannot do IRC, too many people and too fast
Walking down the street
Going shopping
Doing the gardening
Doing my washing
Driving down the road
Etc. etc..
My life now is not too bad. I generally have my symptoms and panic attacks under control, I use medication, CBT and several coping strategies to get me through the day. I am getting better slowly due to CBT. Eventually it will not bother me at all in about 10 years. My biggest wish is a cure for the disorder, not specifically for me but for those who have it worse than me. Perhaps one day genetic engineering will provide us that cure
Also check this site out: http://www.anxietycare.org.uk/docs/self..
I hope your son overcomes this fear?
have you got time to send him to an acupuncturist? Or a reputable hypnotherapist might help. To be honest he may just have to be scared for a couple of days until it reaches 'normalisation'. It is an irrational fear and these can usually only be fixed by facing them.
It's probably not possible because of the Data Protection nonsense, but could you ask the school to pass your contact details to the girls parents? Maybe you could meet up before school starts, either with or without your children. It can't be easy for them either, so maybe they would appreciate the effort you are going to?
He will get used to it with repeated exposure, the shock value is probably what's making him act his way. He will see this girl being a normal kid at school enough times that it should end up losing it's effect eventually.
Until then just keep doing what you're doing and talking it over when he's upset, and make sure he doesn't say to any other kids that he is frightened of her, in case it gets back to the poor girl, and makes him unpopular!
I had a very bad phobia and in the end my GP recommended hypnotherapy. I was sceptical, but I went through a national organisation of registered hypnotherapists to finds one in my area. As I say, I was sceptical, but within only a couple of sessions my phobia was already much better and is very well controlled now.
Being that your son is obviously quite young I don't know if this is the best method for him, but maybe you could try talking to a hypnotherapist to see if this could be appropriate for your son.
Do you know what caused the phobia and where it stemmed from? Maybe if this can be figured out then you can work together to try to resolve it. Understanding a phobia and how they work can be a really good key to over coming it.
Good luck to you and your son.
maybe you could find out why this little girl is like this,
was she born this way, was it an accident that caused
it ? Maybe if your son knows the reason as to why
the girl is this way he will feel more comfortable.
maybe he's afraid it could happen to him? Or that
if he touches her it will happen to him. Give him the
comfort in knowing it WILL NOT happen to him.
let him know that others are this way too & that it's
the way a person acts that matters & not how they look.
good luck & hope this helps
hopefully in time he will learn not to be scared. i have a 15yr old scared of mexicans. as soon as she is near one she grabs my hand. so i know how u feel.
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