How do i get my girlfriend in the mood after the birth of a baby its been 7 month!!?
She's lost her drive completely and is isnt as though the baby is difficult our daughter sleep from 20:00 till 08:00
Answers:
Honey.honey.honey.I know it is hard.but you have to be patient with her. I actually told my guy that I wasnt allowed to have sex for three months after the baby to be safe.I have already warned him, and I am only 17 weeks. This is just in case I just dont feel like it. I want to have time to heal and not stress about sex!!
I know it is hard.but does she at least give you BJ's. I still have not gotten my sex drive back in the second trimester.but will not let my man starve. Also.I am not trying to get you in trouble.if your wife does not let you watch porn or anything.then dont do this.but I actually love to watch it with him, and I dont mind if he watches it without me!! I know he loves me.and finds me incredibly sexy.but if she is not comfortable with it.then dont dont dont get in trouble!! If she is okay with it.at least that is a way for you to release until she wants to have sex again!!
Just be patient.patience is key!!! Good luck!!
get a baby sitter, take her out for the evening, and tell her how you are feeling.
Start telling her how hot her mom looks
I had to wait A YEAR, GOD DAM WHOLE YEAR before it was regular again, sporadic sex is not gee, regular sex is!!
buy flowers, no chocolates, romantic meal etc etc
they want to star 'dating' again or something - women stuff eh?
Don't talk to her, she will feel 'under pressure', just make all attempts on the sly, better to try it that way first
Well gradually get her in the mood over time.. like over a period of days and weeks. Start helping her more with the baby. Give her massages just for the heck of it. Tell her how beautiful she is.. how much you admire her.. what a great mother she is. offer to watch the baby so she can take a nap.. help with the housework. find someone to babysit and suprise her with a nice homemade dinner at home or something. Do all of things not expecting to get laid that night and give her some time. just keep telling her how beautiful and how great she is and things will eventually fall into place. Also do you know what her love language is? Ie.. Physical Touch.. words of affirmation. gifts . acts of kindness ? etc etc.. find out and then go from there.. ie. if its physical touch.. sit next to her on the couch and just caress her face or hold her hand or give her lts of hugs and kisses.. good luck!
Tell her to put her feet up & you do all the housework & child care for the whole day.
She'll be so grateful you'll have to beat her off with a stick!
The usual ways you know:
Patience my friend. To be honest if she really doesn't fancy it then you wouldn't want her to anyway i hope.
tell her how you feel, she might have issues of her own you need to get past.
if all else fails, try alcohol!
don't think about it. time heals. keep yourself active in other ways and look smart and tidy all the time and make her want you like you used to do when courting!
You need to be really carefull with this one,if not your whole sex life could become very strained. after the birth of my child I felt that all the intrusion I had gone through and then on top of that the panic I felt that if I had sex again I would fall pregnant it just messed my head up, Don't be angry with her, just take things slowly and she will come around.
The worse thing you can do is make her feel she has to oblige you as then it will be just going through the motions and it will be horrible for you both.
Try relaxing massages and stuff but don't make her feel that you being nice to her will inevitably lead to sex, she will feel to pressured. Its a hard thing to give birth and yes thousands of women do it everyday, but also those thousdand of women at one point or another feel like she is now.
From a mother with an 8 month old baby's point of view, give her more time. Mine is coming back, but I am so busy during the day, especially now my baby is crawling, and walking round the furniture, when evening comes all I want to do is sleep. It's not as though I don't want to have sex, I just don't have the energy. I don't know how much you do already for the baby, but try giving your girlfriend time to herself to relax and chill, she might just regain that lost energy!
Patience mate it could be a while yet. I been through it. But think from her point of view.. i know it's hard. She's probably permanently knackered from having the baby all day, also after popping the babe out, it's going to be a while before she wants anything else in there. Just try to help as much as you can and be as sympathetic as you can even when it's the last thing you want to do and it will help. Good luck and stick with it.
By the way mine are 5 and 8 now iv'e had the snip and sex is the best ever. I know it's a while down the line for you but it's all worth it in the end.
You should tell her how you feel and then pack the baby off to grandparents for the night, go out, get drunk, come home and FCUK!
Get married to her. That will show that you are truly commited and not ready to just jump out the door when things get rough. It will also be the best thing for your daughter.
The baby may sleep but she's probably knackered from the rest of the day, even good babies are bloody hard work!. I think you should definitely take her out for something to eat and a couple of drinks (just you and her away from baby). It's hard cos once there's a baby around you kind of forget what it's like to just be a couple. She probably just sees herself as 'Mum' now and it's not a very sexy place to be, tell her she's beautiful and sexy, make her laugh, be affectionate but don't push her for more. It will get back to normal, good luck to you both and congratulations on the Bubba!
Give her a break, do some house work, treat her special like you did before the baby,Send her an invitation to a special night out and book a room in a nice hotel for the night i'm sure gran would look after the baby this gives you both some romantic time together without having to worry about the baby .
I did the same with my husband,when you have had a baby yes it is amazing but what it does to your body makes you feel insecure. Having a jelly belly for a while and the thoght of sex brings back the memories of child birth and your put off. She is probably uncomfortable with herself but believe me this goes and your body gets back to normal. Take her out for a meal or just have a romantic night in,dont push it and show her you are interested in more than one thing and she will soon come round,pressure dont help.
Its probably a combination of things.
After giving birth most women don't feel sexy anymore. Their bodies change and unfortunately for some it never returns. Make her feel sexy, buy her lingerie, tell her shes beautiful even if she has a mud mask on. Grab her butt in the kitchen.
It could also be hormones and or the "baby blues" (postpartum depression)
As I read in another response: Get a sitter SHE is comfortable with or she will feel anxious to get back and not listen whole heartedly. Take her out for a night on the town starting with a quiet dinner. To talk to her. Ask her if shes feeling down or frumpy. Ask her how she is feeling on every level BEFORE yo tell her how you are feeling. She is always putting the baby before herself and needs to feel as if she at least come before you and your needs.
It also has to do with the "mother" in her now. The baby comes before your or her own needs. But, what you need to express is that you and her must always come before the the baby on certain levels. And remember 2 things a happy mommy and daddy make for a happy baby. And The greatest gift you can give your child is to love their mother/father.
Here is a site that may help http://www.childbirth.org/articles/postp.
I'm sorry to hear your wife has lost her sex drive, congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Been a full time mother is very existing, so you need to remind her why you fell in love make her feel special, do something really sentimental like maybe something you did on your first date. If you have a relative close by ask if they can babysit for the night and do something special. Just a surprise, be very romantic or if you haven't ever been romantic do something just for the two of you. The first time away from the baby will be hard but as long as you know your daughter is in safe hands you'll be fine.
When you get home after your night out make a bath for you to share candles, champagne or whatever tickles your fancies and make her feel like the most beautiful and sexiest women alive, sensual massages or what ever used to put her in the mood. After reminding her what your life was like before the birth of your daughter and how your daughter was conceived, she should be in the mood. Remind her how why you chose her to have a baby with.
Good luck and I wish you all the best in the bedroom, hope this has helped just be inventive and nature should takes its course.
take it very slowly, you need to show that she still looks good. give her a massage starting with the back . you will have to work at this it my take a few attempts. As she will be tired allot and think you are only after one thing, when you ask her to turn over massage again all over. be gentle show her there is no pressure do this at least once a week but each time go a little further eventually she will be happy to do the act as she wont feel pressured to make love. If you are not telling her how wonder full she looks tell her. Women are scared after they have given birth afraid you wont like her any more. also worried that she wont be able to satisfy you anymore. Allot of the attention goes to the baby and not to the mum if you or someone says how wonder full the baby is praise her as well.
good luck just don't rush you have the rest of your lives together to enjoy each others bodies.
Romance, romance, romance..
If she is breast feeding her hormones will still be screwed up and her sex drive lower.
Sometimes getting a baby sitter and going on a date with a night at a hotel can get a woman out of "mommy" mode and back to feeling like a partner.
Just be touchy-feely with her and compliment her and flirt..the little things that make a woman feel loved.
And keep conversation open..if she is harboring resentment over something and holding her feelings back you need to make it easy for her to talk to you to get past it.
If all else fails...try a wedding ring..you may be surprised how a woman's view changes after they have a baby to protect.
I don't know it just happens sometimes after we have had a baby.
For a lot of women i know you tend to get into this mummy role and sort of lose your own identity.
Be carfull not to make her feel like she is under pressure to preform, cause it will just make matters worse.
Start dating her again, have some nice evenings out, enjoy each others company again and if at the end of the night you only get a kiss leave it at that.
Over time things" WILL " improve.
Please don't doubt her feelings towards you, as alot of men can (understandably)
I love it when my husband runs a bath for me and just sit with me talking while I bath .. it is our time together away from everything.. I also love it if he brushed my hair or strokes my arms or legs while we are sitting watching TV.. I am really lucky to have such and affectionate hands on husband and he is really lucky to have a sex mad wife heheh hee.. I'm sure if he didn't show affection to me I wouldn't want to have sex with him as much as I do.. I think like everyone has said.. book her in a massage and pampering day at a local spa while you look after the bub and clean the house while she is gone.. ( if you need help ask for it pay a cleaner if you have to) then go and pick her up and sit her down to a lovely dinner.. nuzzle her neck when you put her plate down.. but don't put pressure on her.. tell her how nice it is to have to alone time and sip wine and talk talk talk about everything ask her how she is feeling and really listen to her.. she might not want to have sex that night but soon after she will come round. good luck and congrats on the bub
Losing her drive could be due to the hormones still being unbalanced, especially if she is still breastfeeding. If this is the case then she needs time.
Or it could be that she is really tired. Even though the baby sleeps so much, she still has heaps of running around to do during the day. If she is tired take the time to do the dishes, do some washing...I am not saying all of the housework, but do some housework, and give her time away from the baby.(that part could be hard to convince her of at first, but she will get used to it).this way she has time to relax, and time to feel like herself again. I know after both my boys it took ages because I felt like just a Mum (which isn't a bad thing, but it could be on her sex drive)..Everyone needs time to feel like themselves.
Honestly though, the best way to find out what is going on is simply to ask her.not when you are trying to get her in the mood, but a time you are both relaxed. It could be a combination
OK.I have to say this. Not being harsh to you or anything (my fiance would agree with you), but just cos your baby is a good sleeper doesn't mean that your other half isn't totally knackered. She's probably exhausted looking after the baby, working (if she does), house stuff and just getting through each day with everything working like clockwork. I think you should have a chat but PLEASE don't get mad, how about you guys have a nice meal (or a late takeaway when babies asleep), cosy down with a good DVD or just let her soak in a nice bath and go to bed. She would probably appreciate this more then..build up in a week or so to something more. Talk to her though.it's pretty tiring doing all these things you know. Good luck.
make her feel special. make her feel sexy. make her feel loved, ALL the time. and then just hope it does the trick. if it doesn't, just keep it up until it does.
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Answers:
Honey.honey.honey.I know it is hard.but you have to be patient with her. I actually told my guy that I wasnt allowed to have sex for three months after the baby to be safe.I have already warned him, and I am only 17 weeks. This is just in case I just dont feel like it. I want to have time to heal and not stress about sex!!
I know it is hard.but does she at least give you BJ's. I still have not gotten my sex drive back in the second trimester.but will not let my man starve. Also.I am not trying to get you in trouble.if your wife does not let you watch porn or anything.then dont do this.but I actually love to watch it with him, and I dont mind if he watches it without me!! I know he loves me.and finds me incredibly sexy.but if she is not comfortable with it.then dont dont dont get in trouble!! If she is okay with it.at least that is a way for you to release until she wants to have sex again!!
Just be patient.patience is key!!! Good luck!!
get a baby sitter, take her out for the evening, and tell her how you are feeling.
Start telling her how hot her mom looks
I had to wait A YEAR, GOD DAM WHOLE YEAR before it was regular again, sporadic sex is not gee, regular sex is!!
buy flowers, no chocolates, romantic meal etc etc
they want to star 'dating' again or something - women stuff eh?
Don't talk to her, she will feel 'under pressure', just make all attempts on the sly, better to try it that way first
Well gradually get her in the mood over time.. like over a period of days and weeks. Start helping her more with the baby. Give her massages just for the heck of it. Tell her how beautiful she is.. how much you admire her.. what a great mother she is. offer to watch the baby so she can take a nap.. help with the housework. find someone to babysit and suprise her with a nice homemade dinner at home or something. Do all of things not expecting to get laid that night and give her some time. just keep telling her how beautiful and how great she is and things will eventually fall into place. Also do you know what her love language is? Ie.. Physical Touch.. words of affirmation. gifts . acts of kindness ? etc etc.. find out and then go from there.. ie. if its physical touch.. sit next to her on the couch and just caress her face or hold her hand or give her lts of hugs and kisses.. good luck!
Tell her to put her feet up & you do all the housework & child care for the whole day.
She'll be so grateful you'll have to beat her off with a stick!
The usual ways you know:
Patience my friend. To be honest if she really doesn't fancy it then you wouldn't want her to anyway i hope.
tell her how you feel, she might have issues of her own you need to get past.
if all else fails, try alcohol!
don't think about it. time heals. keep yourself active in other ways and look smart and tidy all the time and make her want you like you used to do when courting!
You need to be really carefull with this one,if not your whole sex life could become very strained. after the birth of my child I felt that all the intrusion I had gone through and then on top of that the panic I felt that if I had sex again I would fall pregnant it just messed my head up, Don't be angry with her, just take things slowly and she will come around.
The worse thing you can do is make her feel she has to oblige you as then it will be just going through the motions and it will be horrible for you both.
Try relaxing massages and stuff but don't make her feel that you being nice to her will inevitably lead to sex, she will feel to pressured. Its a hard thing to give birth and yes thousands of women do it everyday, but also those thousdand of women at one point or another feel like she is now.
From a mother with an 8 month old baby's point of view, give her more time. Mine is coming back, but I am so busy during the day, especially now my baby is crawling, and walking round the furniture, when evening comes all I want to do is sleep. It's not as though I don't want to have sex, I just don't have the energy. I don't know how much you do already for the baby, but try giving your girlfriend time to herself to relax and chill, she might just regain that lost energy!
Patience mate it could be a while yet. I been through it. But think from her point of view.. i know it's hard. She's probably permanently knackered from having the baby all day, also after popping the babe out, it's going to be a while before she wants anything else in there. Just try to help as much as you can and be as sympathetic as you can even when it's the last thing you want to do and it will help. Good luck and stick with it.
By the way mine are 5 and 8 now iv'e had the snip and sex is the best ever. I know it's a while down the line for you but it's all worth it in the end.
You should tell her how you feel and then pack the baby off to grandparents for the night, go out, get drunk, come home and FCUK!
Get married to her. That will show that you are truly commited and not ready to just jump out the door when things get rough. It will also be the best thing for your daughter.
The baby may sleep but she's probably knackered from the rest of the day, even good babies are bloody hard work!. I think you should definitely take her out for something to eat and a couple of drinks (just you and her away from baby). It's hard cos once there's a baby around you kind of forget what it's like to just be a couple. She probably just sees herself as 'Mum' now and it's not a very sexy place to be, tell her she's beautiful and sexy, make her laugh, be affectionate but don't push her for more. It will get back to normal, good luck to you both and congratulations on the Bubba!
Give her a break, do some house work, treat her special like you did before the baby,Send her an invitation to a special night out and book a room in a nice hotel for the night i'm sure gran would look after the baby this gives you both some romantic time together without having to worry about the baby .
I did the same with my husband,when you have had a baby yes it is amazing but what it does to your body makes you feel insecure. Having a jelly belly for a while and the thoght of sex brings back the memories of child birth and your put off. She is probably uncomfortable with herself but believe me this goes and your body gets back to normal. Take her out for a meal or just have a romantic night in,dont push it and show her you are interested in more than one thing and she will soon come round,pressure dont help.
Its probably a combination of things.
After giving birth most women don't feel sexy anymore. Their bodies change and unfortunately for some it never returns. Make her feel sexy, buy her lingerie, tell her shes beautiful even if she has a mud mask on. Grab her butt in the kitchen.
It could also be hormones and or the "baby blues" (postpartum depression)
As I read in another response: Get a sitter SHE is comfortable with or she will feel anxious to get back and not listen whole heartedly. Take her out for a night on the town starting with a quiet dinner. To talk to her. Ask her if shes feeling down or frumpy. Ask her how she is feeling on every level BEFORE yo tell her how you are feeling. She is always putting the baby before herself and needs to feel as if she at least come before you and your needs.
It also has to do with the "mother" in her now. The baby comes before your or her own needs. But, what you need to express is that you and her must always come before the the baby on certain levels. And remember 2 things a happy mommy and daddy make for a happy baby. And The greatest gift you can give your child is to love their mother/father.
Here is a site that may help http://www.childbirth.org/articles/postp.
I'm sorry to hear your wife has lost her sex drive, congratulations on the birth of your daughter. Been a full time mother is very existing, so you need to remind her why you fell in love make her feel special, do something really sentimental like maybe something you did on your first date. If you have a relative close by ask if they can babysit for the night and do something special. Just a surprise, be very romantic or if you haven't ever been romantic do something just for the two of you. The first time away from the baby will be hard but as long as you know your daughter is in safe hands you'll be fine.
When you get home after your night out make a bath for you to share candles, champagne or whatever tickles your fancies and make her feel like the most beautiful and sexiest women alive, sensual massages or what ever used to put her in the mood. After reminding her what your life was like before the birth of your daughter and how your daughter was conceived, she should be in the mood. Remind her how why you chose her to have a baby with.
Good luck and I wish you all the best in the bedroom, hope this has helped just be inventive and nature should takes its course.
take it very slowly, you need to show that she still looks good. give her a massage starting with the back . you will have to work at this it my take a few attempts. As she will be tired allot and think you are only after one thing, when you ask her to turn over massage again all over. be gentle show her there is no pressure do this at least once a week but each time go a little further eventually she will be happy to do the act as she wont feel pressured to make love. If you are not telling her how wonder full she looks tell her. Women are scared after they have given birth afraid you wont like her any more. also worried that she wont be able to satisfy you anymore. Allot of the attention goes to the baby and not to the mum if you or someone says how wonder full the baby is praise her as well.
good luck just don't rush you have the rest of your lives together to enjoy each others bodies.
Romance, romance, romance..
If she is breast feeding her hormones will still be screwed up and her sex drive lower.
Sometimes getting a baby sitter and going on a date with a night at a hotel can get a woman out of "mommy" mode and back to feeling like a partner.
Just be touchy-feely with her and compliment her and flirt..the little things that make a woman feel loved.
And keep conversation open..if she is harboring resentment over something and holding her feelings back you need to make it easy for her to talk to you to get past it.
If all else fails...try a wedding ring..you may be surprised how a woman's view changes after they have a baby to protect.
I don't know it just happens sometimes after we have had a baby.
For a lot of women i know you tend to get into this mummy role and sort of lose your own identity.
Be carfull not to make her feel like she is under pressure to preform, cause it will just make matters worse.
Start dating her again, have some nice evenings out, enjoy each others company again and if at the end of the night you only get a kiss leave it at that.
Over time things" WILL " improve.
Please don't doubt her feelings towards you, as alot of men can (understandably)
I love it when my husband runs a bath for me and just sit with me talking while I bath .. it is our time together away from everything.. I also love it if he brushed my hair or strokes my arms or legs while we are sitting watching TV.. I am really lucky to have such and affectionate hands on husband and he is really lucky to have a sex mad wife heheh hee.. I'm sure if he didn't show affection to me I wouldn't want to have sex with him as much as I do.. I think like everyone has said.. book her in a massage and pampering day at a local spa while you look after the bub and clean the house while she is gone.. ( if you need help ask for it pay a cleaner if you have to) then go and pick her up and sit her down to a lovely dinner.. nuzzle her neck when you put her plate down.. but don't put pressure on her.. tell her how nice it is to have to alone time and sip wine and talk talk talk about everything ask her how she is feeling and really listen to her.. she might not want to have sex that night but soon after she will come round. good luck and congrats on the bub
Losing her drive could be due to the hormones still being unbalanced, especially if she is still breastfeeding. If this is the case then she needs time.
Or it could be that she is really tired. Even though the baby sleeps so much, she still has heaps of running around to do during the day. If she is tired take the time to do the dishes, do some washing...I am not saying all of the housework, but do some housework, and give her time away from the baby.(that part could be hard to convince her of at first, but she will get used to it).this way she has time to relax, and time to feel like herself again. I know after both my boys it took ages because I felt like just a Mum (which isn't a bad thing, but it could be on her sex drive)..Everyone needs time to feel like themselves.
Honestly though, the best way to find out what is going on is simply to ask her.not when you are trying to get her in the mood, but a time you are both relaxed. It could be a combination
OK.I have to say this. Not being harsh to you or anything (my fiance would agree with you), but just cos your baby is a good sleeper doesn't mean that your other half isn't totally knackered. She's probably exhausted looking after the baby, working (if she does), house stuff and just getting through each day with everything working like clockwork. I think you should have a chat but PLEASE don't get mad, how about you guys have a nice meal (or a late takeaway when babies asleep), cosy down with a good DVD or just let her soak in a nice bath and go to bed. She would probably appreciate this more then..build up in a week or so to something more. Talk to her though.it's pretty tiring doing all these things you know. Good luck.
make her feel special. make her feel sexy. make her feel loved, ALL the time. and then just hope it does the trick. if it doesn't, just keep it up until it does.
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