How do I cope with a meddling ex- mother in law and my ex husband who lives w/ her?
My husband filed for divorce 1 month ago. He left for Australia for a "job" on 10/10/06 he was off of the plane in Melbourne not 3 hrs and called me begging for money for a return ticket. I said no way. Somehow he made it back home on 10/16/06. I found out 2 days ago he has been having an affair, for a year, with a woman he met on the internet. She has been over here on several occasions. Supposedly she is wealthy. She had paid for him a 1 way ticket there and I dont know what happened to make him want to come home. He told me that the "job" would pay well and my four year old son and I would be very well taken care of! What a sponge and a liar! I also found out my ex-mother- in- law knew about this and never told me! Now, she calls our mutual friends and asks them if I am being a good mother and if I'm keeping my house clean! Someone please advise!
Answers:
get a barring order!
I would say divorce the bum. You certainly have grounds. As for the mother in law, call her up and tell her if she wants to know anything about you, she can ask you herself. If that doesn't stop her tell her that you will personally make sure that everyone that knows your husband will find out about what he did.
Also does the woman he has been bumming $ from know about all this? I would for sure let her know she is being used.
Tell her in front of her friends to "MIND HER OWN BUSINESS" & ask her still in front of her fiends if she thinks her son was a good Father & husband considering how he left you'se all behind for another woman in another country
A restraining order, fight him on custody, and consult yr lawyer about the gossip and questions.
Prepare for war, you are in one, and no mistake. People can get incredibly petty. Find a support group or two, and network for advice.
http://www.211.org/
http://www.sassypinkpeppers.com/home.asp.
http://mentalhelp.net
http://www.feelinggood.com
http://www.adaa.org
Now, I'm a guy. Plz don't go sour, all guys are not like that. Women have done me wrong, it was that woman, not ALL women, okay?
All you have to say, to a few well chosen friends so that you are sure that it will get back to her is, "Unfortunately, under the advice of my lawyer, until we decide what actions we will be taking, I just really can't discuss this." That will make her wonder- Sometimes giving just a minimal amount of information can drive the other person batty. This should do it.
Change you telephone number and move out of town. They NEVER learn!
Sounds like you married the guy BEFORE you had him checked out, and now you are learning the price of that.
Is the child his ? You can always move and use a post office box for a mailing address at the new place. Do not give out your home address. Do not have a listed phone number. Give a secondary message phone # to him if the child is his. If the child is his, let support services handle the child support, if not, count your blessings and be a LOT SMARTER with your next romance.
oh,dear the dreaded mother-in-law.
Yikes though,i would tell your "mutual" friends to tell her to mind her business,or if you cant trust them you need to ditch them,as if they were friends,they wouldn't get involved in this campaign your mum-in-law has going against you,and would support you more.
I think as your getting divorced from ex,maybe the friends should go if they are Tellling your mum-in-law stuff.Change your phone number well.
Well,your ex,sounds a real charmer,going off with someone from Internet,and in a way,at least you found out and getting rid of him,hes obviously a loser,and your so much better than that.
You will one day hopefully laugh at this and for now,you have to get friends you trust,and that negative interfering mum--in-law has to be told to butt out and mind her own darn business.You think she would have better things to do
But i guess she is bound to stick on her sons side,and hes probably asked her to spy on you.Cheeky mare.
I hope you find a great guy when your ready and one who will cherish you,for you,and not be a loser that cant be faithful like the ex,i say your best out of that family,they sound like a right load of psychos.Good luck Sweetie.:):)
By the way,what business is it of hers or anyones if you have a clean house or seeing anyone.Hey,some of the best mums have mucky homes at times as they are being with and loving their kids,crikey,i bet your a great mum.i think your hubby has ideas of getting back with you,if your mum-in-law is spying to see if your still a single mum.What a darn nerve huh?
Theres a lot of great guys out there and thank god not all men are like that.
get the divorce.
don't give him a penny.
he's a user.
write down the day he left and came back evidence for the divorce court..
don't speak to either except as required for child custody.
ask everyone else to not discuss you or your children .
mom probably knew about the job too. and is the same as the son.
lots of warped people out there.
perhaps also time to get new friends?
join some sort of support group for divorce or single moms see if parents without partners near you. good place to start make new friends, new life.
ok, from experience, heres a list of things to do.
1. tell the mother in law there is free bingo day and night down at the local community center for an entire 4 week period, thus, keeping her occupied for a bit.
2. tell your ex that channel 4 are showing non stop episodes of neighbours and home and away for the next six months, thus, keeping him glued to the tv and off your back.
3. get yourself a local solicitor, preferably good looking, and offer to talk your plans over a candle lit dinner.
4. if the mother in law prizes herself away from bingo for long enough to call your friends, tell your friends to tell her you are currently talking over a private education proposal with a very handsome professor for your sons future, and that you wont be home for a few days, but if she needs to contact you, she can leave a message with your live in domestic cleaner.
this will please the mother in law but she will secretly seethe in her own jealousy, which in turn should please you immensly.
you deserve to be happy hun, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on, you can do it hun.
hope all works out for you
good luck
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Collect your evidence and see him in court. Call the mother-in-law and tell her if she wants to know anything, to ask you and not go behind your back sniffing like a wretched old hound. And don't forget to congratulate her on HER excellent job of raising your ex. It sounds like she has a lot to be proud of, him turning out to be the cowardly, cheating, lying user he is. SHE wonders if YOU'RE a good mother? PLEASE!
You become better than them. Show that the interfering does not bother you and that you have moved on. If your friends are real friends then they will tell your mother in law that you are a good mother and that you keep a clean house. You have to tell your husband straight that it's over and you know all about the affair and why he went to Australia and that you know that his mother knew. Inside you will feel all over the place but to them you have to show that you are strong and that you don't need them and there is no place for them in your life.
your well out of, go get anew life, maybe move... also every timeshe asked your friends for feedback, go and see and tell her yourself, she will get the message, if she wants info, she should ask you...
Sounds like your husband got to Melbourne, met his internet love only to find she was a dingo owning builder called Trevor - that'll learn him!
if you can,get testimonies from friends supporting you,divorce the turd, and get a restraining/harrasment order against his nosy mom
Be indifferent with them. :-) Indifference drives people crazy. Don't let them know that you know they're spying on you. Instead build a much better life for you and your son than you ever would've had with him.
If you really want her to know though, that she's checking up on you. call her and say, "Thanks for being so concerned that you ask my friends about me. I just want you to know that we're very happy." If she tries to be "fake sympathetic", just say, "Bye bye" and hang up on her. Be cheerful about it. Then pack up your bags and move out of hearing distance from her, change your phone numbers, id names, etc. Don't look back.
You'd have to ask your friends not to let her know about your whereabouts though. If the boy is also your husband's son, then he would have a right to visitations. :-( His contact with you can be at your place of employment, or some other arrangement which might be more convenient for you.
It matters not what happened to him "over there", what matters most is the well-being of you and your son right now. Take care of you, cause no one else will.
your friends should tell her to mind her own business . what kind of guy walks out on a 4 year olds life cause that's what hes done then he has the cheek to change his mind when hes on the other side of the world sounds like your better of without them
iv been there, just tell them to f*** off and get a life good luck babe xxx
Try to put as much distance between you as possible, (maybe you should think about Australia if he back!). Realistically visit your lawyer and be careful what you say to "mutual" friends to make sure that none of them are stirring. Dont even give her the time of day. Good Luck.
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Answers:
get a barring order!
I would say divorce the bum. You certainly have grounds. As for the mother in law, call her up and tell her if she wants to know anything about you, she can ask you herself. If that doesn't stop her tell her that you will personally make sure that everyone that knows your husband will find out about what he did.
Also does the woman he has been bumming $ from know about all this? I would for sure let her know she is being used.
Tell her in front of her friends to "MIND HER OWN BUSINESS" & ask her still in front of her fiends if she thinks her son was a good Father & husband considering how he left you'se all behind for another woman in another country
A restraining order, fight him on custody, and consult yr lawyer about the gossip and questions.
Prepare for war, you are in one, and no mistake. People can get incredibly petty. Find a support group or two, and network for advice.
http://www.211.org/
http://www.sassypinkpeppers.com/home.asp.
http://mentalhelp.net
http://www.feelinggood.com
http://www.adaa.org
Now, I'm a guy. Plz don't go sour, all guys are not like that. Women have done me wrong, it was that woman, not ALL women, okay?
All you have to say, to a few well chosen friends so that you are sure that it will get back to her is, "Unfortunately, under the advice of my lawyer, until we decide what actions we will be taking, I just really can't discuss this." That will make her wonder- Sometimes giving just a minimal amount of information can drive the other person batty. This should do it.
Change you telephone number and move out of town. They NEVER learn!
Sounds like you married the guy BEFORE you had him checked out, and now you are learning the price of that.
Is the child his ? You can always move and use a post office box for a mailing address at the new place. Do not give out your home address. Do not have a listed phone number. Give a secondary message phone # to him if the child is his. If the child is his, let support services handle the child support, if not, count your blessings and be a LOT SMARTER with your next romance.
oh,dear the dreaded mother-in-law.
Yikes though,i would tell your "mutual" friends to tell her to mind her business,or if you cant trust them you need to ditch them,as if they were friends,they wouldn't get involved in this campaign your mum-in-law has going against you,and would support you more.
I think as your getting divorced from ex,maybe the friends should go if they are Tellling your mum-in-law stuff.Change your phone number well.
Well,your ex,sounds a real charmer,going off with someone from Internet,and in a way,at least you found out and getting rid of him,hes obviously a loser,and your so much better than that.
You will one day hopefully laugh at this and for now,you have to get friends you trust,and that negative interfering mum--in-law has to be told to butt out and mind her own darn business.You think she would have better things to do
But i guess she is bound to stick on her sons side,and hes probably asked her to spy on you.Cheeky mare.
I hope you find a great guy when your ready and one who will cherish you,for you,and not be a loser that cant be faithful like the ex,i say your best out of that family,they sound like a right load of psychos.Good luck Sweetie.:):)
By the way,what business is it of hers or anyones if you have a clean house or seeing anyone.Hey,some of the best mums have mucky homes at times as they are being with and loving their kids,crikey,i bet your a great mum.i think your hubby has ideas of getting back with you,if your mum-in-law is spying to see if your still a single mum.What a darn nerve huh?
Theres a lot of great guys out there and thank god not all men are like that.
get the divorce.
don't give him a penny.
he's a user.
write down the day he left and came back evidence for the divorce court..
don't speak to either except as required for child custody.
ask everyone else to not discuss you or your children .
mom probably knew about the job too. and is the same as the son.
lots of warped people out there.
perhaps also time to get new friends?
join some sort of support group for divorce or single moms see if parents without partners near you. good place to start make new friends, new life.
ok, from experience, heres a list of things to do.
1. tell the mother in law there is free bingo day and night down at the local community center for an entire 4 week period, thus, keeping her occupied for a bit.
2. tell your ex that channel 4 are showing non stop episodes of neighbours and home and away for the next six months, thus, keeping him glued to the tv and off your back.
3. get yourself a local solicitor, preferably good looking, and offer to talk your plans over a candle lit dinner.
4. if the mother in law prizes herself away from bingo for long enough to call your friends, tell your friends to tell her you are currently talking over a private education proposal with a very handsome professor for your sons future, and that you wont be home for a few days, but if she needs to contact you, she can leave a message with your live in domestic cleaner.
this will please the mother in law but she will secretly seethe in her own jealousy, which in turn should please you immensly.
you deserve to be happy hun, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on, you can do it hun.
hope all works out for you
good luck
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Collect your evidence and see him in court. Call the mother-in-law and tell her if she wants to know anything, to ask you and not go behind your back sniffing like a wretched old hound. And don't forget to congratulate her on HER excellent job of raising your ex. It sounds like she has a lot to be proud of, him turning out to be the cowardly, cheating, lying user he is. SHE wonders if YOU'RE a good mother? PLEASE!
You become better than them. Show that the interfering does not bother you and that you have moved on. If your friends are real friends then they will tell your mother in law that you are a good mother and that you keep a clean house. You have to tell your husband straight that it's over and you know all about the affair and why he went to Australia and that you know that his mother knew. Inside you will feel all over the place but to them you have to show that you are strong and that you don't need them and there is no place for them in your life.
your well out of, go get anew life, maybe move... also every timeshe asked your friends for feedback, go and see and tell her yourself, she will get the message, if she wants info, she should ask you...
Sounds like your husband got to Melbourne, met his internet love only to find she was a dingo owning builder called Trevor - that'll learn him!
if you can,get testimonies from friends supporting you,divorce the turd, and get a restraining/harrasment order against his nosy mom
Be indifferent with them. :-) Indifference drives people crazy. Don't let them know that you know they're spying on you. Instead build a much better life for you and your son than you ever would've had with him.
If you really want her to know though, that she's checking up on you. call her and say, "Thanks for being so concerned that you ask my friends about me. I just want you to know that we're very happy." If she tries to be "fake sympathetic", just say, "Bye bye" and hang up on her. Be cheerful about it. Then pack up your bags and move out of hearing distance from her, change your phone numbers, id names, etc. Don't look back.
You'd have to ask your friends not to let her know about your whereabouts though. If the boy is also your husband's son, then he would have a right to visitations. :-( His contact with you can be at your place of employment, or some other arrangement which might be more convenient for you.
It matters not what happened to him "over there", what matters most is the well-being of you and your son right now. Take care of you, cause no one else will.
your friends should tell her to mind her own business . what kind of guy walks out on a 4 year olds life cause that's what hes done then he has the cheek to change his mind when hes on the other side of the world sounds like your better of without them
iv been there, just tell them to f*** off and get a life good luck babe xxx
Try to put as much distance between you as possible, (maybe you should think about Australia if he back!). Realistically visit your lawyer and be careful what you say to "mutual" friends to make sure that none of them are stirring. Dont even give her the time of day. Good Luck.
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