Why are we pressured to have kids?
I dont have anything against children, but ive always know I never want to be a mother, its just not in me.. I have lots of little cousins and I love them to bits, but I wouldnt want them. Any time I tell some one this, the responce I get is "you'll change your mind" I cant seem to get across to them NO NEVER EVER EVER WILL I WANT A CHILD, anyone else feel the same?
Answers:
You are very courageous to own up to this one. I am like you too and agree that it is far better to opt out of motherhood than to be a bad mother. Other women are generally the most disapproving though. Maybe they think we are having too good a time and that makes us selfish. But we work hard, don't we? So we want to spend our money on holidays and going out for drinks and looking nice. And whyever not! And hey - childbirth has got to suck, hasn't it? Childbirth is painful because women think it's unwomanly not to 'suffer'. Crap. If men gave birth, they would have engineered a quicker and pain-free method of doing so way back in the middle ages - or even earlier. Plus, how is it ever possible to look remotely chic or 'together' when you're spreadeagled on a bed screaming in agony? Not for us, that one. And very few women get their figures back again afterwards, so it's just lucky they did want to have kids so much, isn't it. And actually - ever been round babies? Fabulous little things when they are smiling and cute. But OHMIGOD when they start to shriek and squeal (and poo, obviously). I don't want to pick them up, I just need to leave the room and pour myself into a gin and tonic. Give me a puppy anyday.
No one can pressure you to do anything you don't want too.
u not the only one. :)
I love them when they are tiny but when they grow up i just scared that when they grow up i wont love them as much. if you understand.
No, we pressure ourselves, friend. This world is perverse and full of confusion. If we would only listen to truth and practice it.
There is pressure because having kids is how we reproduce. Without this, there is no more humans. They obviously do not understand what you want, so leave it. They are not going to change so either change the subject, accept it, or stay away. I had a situation with the same issues and I walked away. Sometimes the right thing for you is the right thing for only you.
Sorry to say this but kids are the best thing that can ever happen to you to feel the love if you had one of your own
How about survival of the human race, or to be remembered
and live for ever through them, or how about so other populace countries wont take us over. Either way, no one said you have to help.
well i use to think like you i was always into going out and stuff until i got pregant and had my daughter she change my life completly and i didnt want to go out i just wanted to lay and bed and stare at her i dont think we are pressured into having them it just happens believe me you would love being a mother when you get pregnant and have one of your own
Is the fear of delivery making you resolve not to have your own kids? You like kids as you said.
I understand what you mean. People seem to see things from their own perspective. Do what is best for you.
I feel exactly the same, i don't want children its bad enough i have to put up with my other halfs little angel every other weekend. Do you feel thats its always women who have them t tell you that you will change your mind? I have fallen out with my partners friends wife over this as she was in her little click basically calling me an alcoholic cause i like to go out for a drink with my partner and friends and she is stuck in the house child minding. I feel exactly the same
Well, I am the same way. I'm 47 and never wanted kids. I got bypassed on the maternal gene. Alot of people think that because you are female, that you should automatically be a brood mare. Also, that if you don't have any kids, your life is not complete. I see alot of mothers that LIVE for their kids. Their kids lives are THEIR lives. They have none of their own and are quite happy this way.
I don't know, just consider your self different. Different isn't bad, it's just different. Just ignore people. I've gotten quite good at it.
yep, me kidless.
They look at you in an apologetic manner as if there is something medically wrong.
when i see groups of kids at the bus stop i want to shoot them all as they are so annoying and rude no matter whether they are boys or girls.
Yes. Not long ago, I had to give one of my usual answers to this same question I get asked (as I'm 30 now and in a stable relationship, people just expect me to be a mother). The two ladies that asked me first looked absolutely shocked then one of them came out with a comment that 'It takes a lot of guts to admit something like that', I think she said that just to clear the air because I must have sounded very adamant and that I wouldn't budge from my view. You are not alone, there are others like you, however, I think when you say that you don't ever want kids you have to be a bit forceful to make your stand. It is not for everyone, and it is better to be a non-mother than a bad mother to an innocent child. You are doing yourself a favour so don't worry about it. Say, why would you force somebody to learn another language when it is clearly not for everyone? It is proven that not everybody can learn langugages, you have to have a 'talent' for it. People like you or me should do other things that we are good at and stick to it instead of worrying about something that we can't do.
to continue the human race
You are the only one that has total control you your body go for it.
I don't have kid and don't plan to have any. I know a few others that are the same way. No one dare to pressure me. They know my character too well to even attempt. In a way, I guess they respect my decision.
Some people just don't want the responsibility and demands of raising children. If you feel that strongly please don't let anyone pressure you into having them. They won't suffer the decision you will. Having children is not always this wonderful event folks would like everyone to believe it is. Some of them are horrible behavioral problems and out of control. You do what is best for you and that's what's important.
hi good for you standing up for what you belive in my best friend does not want kids she is god mother to my two kids and her husband to be can not have kids she thinks she has the perfect life my kids on tap when she wants them and her life as she wants them good luck in living your life as you want it
I used to feel like you, until about age 28 when I got divorced --
As a teenager, I did not want kids to avoid the physical pain of labor and because most women in my family were single mothers (no fault of their own) their husbands left them with kids
As a young woman, I did not want kids because I wanted to get the superior education I did not get earlier in life
In my thirties, I think, unless I marry a man who is financially secure I am not sure I will want kids -- what about health insurance for my baby and I while I am unemployed, and savings for my retirement if I stop working in order to be a stay at home mom; which is what I want to do for at least 6 months to a year
I love kids. I helped my aunts raise their kids, but I would not want to have to raise kids without a good husband by my side.
It is common for women in today's society to feel as such. The reality is that those with children feel that it is the ultimate loving relationship. What many donot seem to undertansd is that women are not limited to giving birth but are now able to have meanigful relationships without bring a child into the world. It is not to say that those who make that decision to have children are making the worng one but it is to say that your choice is your own and your own desire is what dictates your own needs or wants. Please remember that children are born into this world are not given a choice to be born or not so it is the selfishness of parents who want to bring a child into the world to carry on their name or genes or because they want another person to love. You are not alone in the category of "I DON'T WANT CHILDREN" but you must be aware that others will assume that you will one day and for that you have to simply smile and live your life.
Then you should Never Ever Ever Never have Sex. then you'll never ever never ever have to worry about getting pregnant.
If you want to have sex, especially unprotected sex, then you want to have a child. Naturally, that's how children are created.
It's in our nature to pro-create. I guess thats why. Do what YOU want and don't take any notice of what OTHER people want for you...
in the west they pressure women to have kids because the population of Caucasians are decreasing, whereas in the developing countries they have measures to control population growth. Have u ever noticed that those people that choose to have kids spend most of their time complaining about them, and use it as a reason not to certain things. In the old world there wasn't much else to do except work and have unprotected sex, now things has changed but some people are still old school.
If you feel pressured to have children just because everyone you know has then you shouldn't, it is your choice to not want children not theirs.
you can be pressured but you shouldnt be, most people hit a stage in life where they have to be leaving a lagacy behind something to carry on after they are gone, its one of Erik Eriksons stages of life
Do what's right for you. Don't for God's sake ever have a child because of pressure from anyone else. Live your life as you see fit - you'll harm no-one by remaining childless - just make sure if you choose to have a life partner, that this is what they want too.
i agree w nellyenno!
So you can fit in that dream world of yours
Having children is an act of faith.Faith that the world is going somewhere good. Faith that in our childrens' lifetimes it will be better than it is now.How do we know this , when there is so much evidence to the contrary? We just do.
Having children is an act of trust.Trust in He who creates and sustains the world anew each moment of time, that He will provide what is needed to sustain one more partner to His grand plan.Who could have a child if they first had to prove that they could "afford" it.If parenthood required a licence, like when operating a vehicle, who could pass the test? Yet somehow we know that God will provide like what He did for our parents, who were no worse and not certainly better equipped for the task than we.
You didn't elaborate much on what exactly transpired for you to have such a view, but whatever it is, I believe it will indeed change, for life is mysterious as noone knows what tomorrow holds.
Western Europe, North America and Australasia are the only places worth living in. Agree?
What is closure?
what is the meaning of life?
There was a fan next to my bed last night.?
Does the weather has an influence.?
Where is this going?
how can i find inner peace without hurting those i love?
Has anyone heard of Stalingrad / Berlin syndrome?
Answers:
You are very courageous to own up to this one. I am like you too and agree that it is far better to opt out of motherhood than to be a bad mother. Other women are generally the most disapproving though. Maybe they think we are having too good a time and that makes us selfish. But we work hard, don't we? So we want to spend our money on holidays and going out for drinks and looking nice. And whyever not! And hey - childbirth has got to suck, hasn't it? Childbirth is painful because women think it's unwomanly not to 'suffer'. Crap. If men gave birth, they would have engineered a quicker and pain-free method of doing so way back in the middle ages - or even earlier. Plus, how is it ever possible to look remotely chic or 'together' when you're spreadeagled on a bed screaming in agony? Not for us, that one. And very few women get their figures back again afterwards, so it's just lucky they did want to have kids so much, isn't it. And actually - ever been round babies? Fabulous little things when they are smiling and cute. But OHMIGOD when they start to shriek and squeal (and poo, obviously). I don't want to pick them up, I just need to leave the room and pour myself into a gin and tonic. Give me a puppy anyday.
No one can pressure you to do anything you don't want too.
u not the only one. :)
I love them when they are tiny but when they grow up i just scared that when they grow up i wont love them as much. if you understand.
No, we pressure ourselves, friend. This world is perverse and full of confusion. If we would only listen to truth and practice it.
There is pressure because having kids is how we reproduce. Without this, there is no more humans. They obviously do not understand what you want, so leave it. They are not going to change so either change the subject, accept it, or stay away. I had a situation with the same issues and I walked away. Sometimes the right thing for you is the right thing for only you.
Sorry to say this but kids are the best thing that can ever happen to you to feel the love if you had one of your own
How about survival of the human race, or to be remembered
and live for ever through them, or how about so other populace countries wont take us over. Either way, no one said you have to help.
well i use to think like you i was always into going out and stuff until i got pregant and had my daughter she change my life completly and i didnt want to go out i just wanted to lay and bed and stare at her i dont think we are pressured into having them it just happens believe me you would love being a mother when you get pregnant and have one of your own
Is the fear of delivery making you resolve not to have your own kids? You like kids as you said.
I understand what you mean. People seem to see things from their own perspective. Do what is best for you.
I feel exactly the same, i don't want children its bad enough i have to put up with my other halfs little angel every other weekend. Do you feel thats its always women who have them t tell you that you will change your mind? I have fallen out with my partners friends wife over this as she was in her little click basically calling me an alcoholic cause i like to go out for a drink with my partner and friends and she is stuck in the house child minding. I feel exactly the same
Well, I am the same way. I'm 47 and never wanted kids. I got bypassed on the maternal gene. Alot of people think that because you are female, that you should automatically be a brood mare. Also, that if you don't have any kids, your life is not complete. I see alot of mothers that LIVE for their kids. Their kids lives are THEIR lives. They have none of their own and are quite happy this way.
I don't know, just consider your self different. Different isn't bad, it's just different. Just ignore people. I've gotten quite good at it.
yep, me kidless.
They look at you in an apologetic manner as if there is something medically wrong.
when i see groups of kids at the bus stop i want to shoot them all as they are so annoying and rude no matter whether they are boys or girls.
Yes. Not long ago, I had to give one of my usual answers to this same question I get asked (as I'm 30 now and in a stable relationship, people just expect me to be a mother). The two ladies that asked me first looked absolutely shocked then one of them came out with a comment that 'It takes a lot of guts to admit something like that', I think she said that just to clear the air because I must have sounded very adamant and that I wouldn't budge from my view. You are not alone, there are others like you, however, I think when you say that you don't ever want kids you have to be a bit forceful to make your stand. It is not for everyone, and it is better to be a non-mother than a bad mother to an innocent child. You are doing yourself a favour so don't worry about it. Say, why would you force somebody to learn another language when it is clearly not for everyone? It is proven that not everybody can learn langugages, you have to have a 'talent' for it. People like you or me should do other things that we are good at and stick to it instead of worrying about something that we can't do.
to continue the human race
You are the only one that has total control you your body go for it.
I don't have kid and don't plan to have any. I know a few others that are the same way. No one dare to pressure me. They know my character too well to even attempt. In a way, I guess they respect my decision.
Some people just don't want the responsibility and demands of raising children. If you feel that strongly please don't let anyone pressure you into having them. They won't suffer the decision you will. Having children is not always this wonderful event folks would like everyone to believe it is. Some of them are horrible behavioral problems and out of control. You do what is best for you and that's what's important.
hi good for you standing up for what you belive in my best friend does not want kids she is god mother to my two kids and her husband to be can not have kids she thinks she has the perfect life my kids on tap when she wants them and her life as she wants them good luck in living your life as you want it
I used to feel like you, until about age 28 when I got divorced --
As a teenager, I did not want kids to avoid the physical pain of labor and because most women in my family were single mothers (no fault of their own) their husbands left them with kids
As a young woman, I did not want kids because I wanted to get the superior education I did not get earlier in life
In my thirties, I think, unless I marry a man who is financially secure I am not sure I will want kids -- what about health insurance for my baby and I while I am unemployed, and savings for my retirement if I stop working in order to be a stay at home mom; which is what I want to do for at least 6 months to a year
I love kids. I helped my aunts raise their kids, but I would not want to have to raise kids without a good husband by my side.
It is common for women in today's society to feel as such. The reality is that those with children feel that it is the ultimate loving relationship. What many donot seem to undertansd is that women are not limited to giving birth but are now able to have meanigful relationships without bring a child into the world. It is not to say that those who make that decision to have children are making the worng one but it is to say that your choice is your own and your own desire is what dictates your own needs or wants. Please remember that children are born into this world are not given a choice to be born or not so it is the selfishness of parents who want to bring a child into the world to carry on their name or genes or because they want another person to love. You are not alone in the category of "I DON'T WANT CHILDREN" but you must be aware that others will assume that you will one day and for that you have to simply smile and live your life.
Then you should Never Ever Ever Never have Sex. then you'll never ever never ever have to worry about getting pregnant.
If you want to have sex, especially unprotected sex, then you want to have a child. Naturally, that's how children are created.
It's in our nature to pro-create. I guess thats why. Do what YOU want and don't take any notice of what OTHER people want for you...
in the west they pressure women to have kids because the population of Caucasians are decreasing, whereas in the developing countries they have measures to control population growth. Have u ever noticed that those people that choose to have kids spend most of their time complaining about them, and use it as a reason not to certain things. In the old world there wasn't much else to do except work and have unprotected sex, now things has changed but some people are still old school.
If you feel pressured to have children just because everyone you know has then you shouldn't, it is your choice to not want children not theirs.
you can be pressured but you shouldnt be, most people hit a stage in life where they have to be leaving a lagacy behind something to carry on after they are gone, its one of Erik Eriksons stages of life
Do what's right for you. Don't for God's sake ever have a child because of pressure from anyone else. Live your life as you see fit - you'll harm no-one by remaining childless - just make sure if you choose to have a life partner, that this is what they want too.
i agree w nellyenno!
So you can fit in that dream world of yours
Having children is an act of faith.Faith that the world is going somewhere good. Faith that in our childrens' lifetimes it will be better than it is now.How do we know this , when there is so much evidence to the contrary? We just do.
Having children is an act of trust.Trust in He who creates and sustains the world anew each moment of time, that He will provide what is needed to sustain one more partner to His grand plan.Who could have a child if they first had to prove that they could "afford" it.If parenthood required a licence, like when operating a vehicle, who could pass the test? Yet somehow we know that God will provide like what He did for our parents, who were no worse and not certainly better equipped for the task than we.
You didn't elaborate much on what exactly transpired for you to have such a view, but whatever it is, I believe it will indeed change, for life is mysterious as noone knows what tomorrow holds.
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