Was I being Cheeky?
Last night at the dinner table I decided to vegetables only, coz I didn't really feel like meat, my mom shouted at me "Don't be stupid! that's an anorexic's dinner!!" I told her that I had lunch that afternoon at work and I wasn't hungry enough to have meat as well, and that if she didn't believe me she could phone my boss, so she shouted again "You're just saying that, because you know I'm not going to phone him!", I said nicely and not even trying to be cheeky "Well I gave you the choice didn't I?", and just because I had said that she screamed at me telling me not to dare to be cheeky and talk back to her like that and she started laughing, saying that she would never speak like that to her parents, I just kept quiet because I didn't want to make a big issue of it. Later on after dinner she came to my bedroom telling me that she can't believe she didn't get an apology and that I'm a ***** because of my aunt and uncle I stayed with in the UK, it really upsets me when she says that
Answers:
Its difficult when a relationship changes, and that is what happens when you grow up, and particularly when you spend some time away and then come back. What you said was not unreasonable, but what your Mum heard may have been very different, she may have heard that you were rejecting her or not wanting her to care for you, food and love are very closely tied together. Perhaps it might be a good idea to have a talk with your Mum and let her know that you love her, and that you just weren't hungry. If she is worried that you are not eating enough, perhaps you could sit down together and work out what you both think you should be eating so that you avoid the need for these problems. It may also be that she feels a little jealous of the time you spent with your Aunt and Uncle, and a little left out, you could talk to her about it and let her know how much you missed her when you were away. Perhaps you should also let her know that she upsets you when she says these things.
The trouble with being a Mum is that there is no instruction manual, and you have to make it up as you go along! Everyone gets it wrong sometimes. The problem with being a son or daughter is that every time you think you got it right, something changes and the whole process has to start over again. I think the only way through is to talk about it, and to love each other enough to forgive the mistakes.
**** luck.
Mums have an inbuilt need to feed their chicks! I would have put some on the plate at least. She has gone to the trouble of cooking a meal for you.
Ask her what she meant about your Aunt and Uncle.
And apologise for the food issue.
It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong at all, it just seems that your mum wanted an argument that night and she wasn't getting one from you.
When my mum and I argue it really annoys her when I talk nicely to her. I think she thinks that I am talking down to her.
You did nothing wrong and sound like a nice person, if you ever in the UK again msg me at Johny0555@yahoo.com I live in london. xx
I am sure you thought you were saying it nicely when you said "well I gave you the choice didn't ?" but I am afraid it does sound a little cheeky. I know my mom would think that it is. You should let your mom know that she did hurt your feelings though, and explain to her what you really meant. I know I didn't apologize to my mom bc I thought I was right and I didn't tell her when she hurt my feelings and now we barely know what to say to each other.
She is wrong ad should apologlize to you.
I usually carry my lunch as I don't care for the food machines and I don't have time to ea tout and would not if I could.
Rarely do I carry meats to work'
I eat fish 2 to 3 times a week cooked at work in the microwave , and occasionally a peice of ham in a sandwich. usually it's tapia, tunafish or baloney if it's any kind of meat.
But I've gotten my weight down watching my foods and meat with it's steroid laced fatty tissue is not for me.
I eat nuts, fruits and mainly veggies/fish. My worse food I love is sweet tea.
You do the same and you will not end up like mom. probely over weight and over bearing:):).
put mom on a diet so she wil not feel like she has to compete with daughter.:)
it doesn't matter what i think, it seems you offended your mom though. she's just looking out for you. swallow your pride and apologize. try to pick your battles more carefully, seems like your wasting your ammo on this one.
Hey I know it is hard, but just try to keep peace in the family. We moms do want to have our kids eat a well ballanced meal. If they don't we feel somewhat guilty about not doing a well enough job as a parent.
But on the other hand moms should not call their children bad names. I always was called bad names while living at home. My mom had a lot of problems(mental). But please to not call her any names either. It will not help the situation.
I don't know your mum so I can only guess but maybe she feels a bit stressed at the mo. maybe she has issues with her sister, maybe to just keep the peace you should give her a hug and tell her that you didn't mean to upset her you really weren't hungry and you were insensitive to her needs and I give you permission to be sick after you have read this, but it is up to you, - conflict or calm.
You have an absolute b*tch of a mom. good god she's a b*tch! She needs to chill out befor she gets a hernia.
Why do teenagers , who never cook a meal, never shop for the food and never clean up after the meal, 3 times a day,every day whether we feel like it or not, NEVER understand how upsetting it is to go to all that effort and then be ignored/taken for granted/rejected.
While you're in your Mum's house behave how she expects you to and follow her values
Or else move out..
M : {
Never heard such a load of self absorbed , ungrateful, inconsiderate,childish,patheti.
I don't think you were out of order. If she thought you were being cheeky because you had picked the behaviour up from your Aunt and Uncle, it sounds like she might be a bit jealous of them! Maybe her argument is with them and she has taken it out on you as you are the nearest person. You know the saying, always hurt the one you love. She probably feels bad now and I bet if you apologise she will too.
I got to admit I would have been p issed off if I had spent a bit of time cooking you dinner, and you knew before hand that you wasn't that hungry and didn't bother saying anything till it was to late and to then you start getting mouthy.
I think you should apologise, as for the aunt and uncle thing there’s issues that needs to be talked about I think
I had a similar problem with my Dad.He actually stopped talking to me for three months till I apologised.However as with you what I said was perfectly reasonable.What I did was to say that I was sorry about the incident and that I had not intended to be cheeky.This cleared the air.
If you're still living at home you should at least try to eat what's put in front of you - after all your mum cooked it, she's probably concerned that you need a balanced diet. Even a little would have calmed the situation.
I think your action of silence probably wound her up even more.
Well, I can see where you're coming from but I can also see why your mum thought you were being cheeky. It made me laugh as it was exactly what I would have said (about giving her the choice). The big question here is, did you mean to be cheeky? Were you secretly thinking 'oh shut up mother.' I expect, if you are anything like the rest of us, you felt a bit irritated by your mums accusation and a sneaky little bit of that irritation came out in your tone of voice without you meaninig it to, which is what your mum heard. Just grovel a bit (i know, I dont do grovel either but for a quiet life its gotta be worth it, right?) tell her you didn't mean to sound ungrateful for the meal and you didnt mean to sound cheeky.
Oh and find out at later date what she meant about your relatives in the UK... I live in UK... would be interested to know!
Good luck :-)
Sounds like she may be going through the menopause ..... Tell her you didn't mean to sound cheeky, but, also express your feelings too, things are always better when they are out in the open. Remember .. you could always slip some HRT in her tea.
take care . hope it all works out for you and your mum.
Sounds like your Mum had a bad day and needed to vent a bit! Next time, accept your dinner as it is and eat what you are able to.
I have found that saying "Yes Mum, whatever you think is best.." works wonders in peace keeping.
I only cause arguements with my Mum on big issues - life is much quieter that way!
Eat what you mom put on the table for you. If she dies you will regret this moment trust me.
Your mum was just trying to take care of you and make sure you were getting enough to eat. It sounds as thought there was a bit of cheek on both sides - did you really expect your mum to call your boss? I think an apology is due from both sides, but try to understand that she only has your best interests at heart (she also sees all these magazines and tv programmes telling girls/woman to be super skinny and doesn't want this to happen to you). Try to talk about the problem with your aunt and uncle as it sounds as though she has an underlying issue with this.
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Answers:
Its difficult when a relationship changes, and that is what happens when you grow up, and particularly when you spend some time away and then come back. What you said was not unreasonable, but what your Mum heard may have been very different, she may have heard that you were rejecting her or not wanting her to care for you, food and love are very closely tied together. Perhaps it might be a good idea to have a talk with your Mum and let her know that you love her, and that you just weren't hungry. If she is worried that you are not eating enough, perhaps you could sit down together and work out what you both think you should be eating so that you avoid the need for these problems. It may also be that she feels a little jealous of the time you spent with your Aunt and Uncle, and a little left out, you could talk to her about it and let her know how much you missed her when you were away. Perhaps you should also let her know that she upsets you when she says these things.
The trouble with being a Mum is that there is no instruction manual, and you have to make it up as you go along! Everyone gets it wrong sometimes. The problem with being a son or daughter is that every time you think you got it right, something changes and the whole process has to start over again. I think the only way through is to talk about it, and to love each other enough to forgive the mistakes.
**** luck.
Mums have an inbuilt need to feed their chicks! I would have put some on the plate at least. She has gone to the trouble of cooking a meal for you.
Ask her what she meant about your Aunt and Uncle.
And apologise for the food issue.
It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong at all, it just seems that your mum wanted an argument that night and she wasn't getting one from you.
When my mum and I argue it really annoys her when I talk nicely to her. I think she thinks that I am talking down to her.
You did nothing wrong and sound like a nice person, if you ever in the UK again msg me at Johny0555@yahoo.com I live in london. xx
I am sure you thought you were saying it nicely when you said "well I gave you the choice didn't ?" but I am afraid it does sound a little cheeky. I know my mom would think that it is. You should let your mom know that she did hurt your feelings though, and explain to her what you really meant. I know I didn't apologize to my mom bc I thought I was right and I didn't tell her when she hurt my feelings and now we barely know what to say to each other.
She is wrong ad should apologlize to you.
I usually carry my lunch as I don't care for the food machines and I don't have time to ea tout and would not if I could.
Rarely do I carry meats to work'
I eat fish 2 to 3 times a week cooked at work in the microwave , and occasionally a peice of ham in a sandwich. usually it's tapia, tunafish or baloney if it's any kind of meat.
But I've gotten my weight down watching my foods and meat with it's steroid laced fatty tissue is not for me.
I eat nuts, fruits and mainly veggies/fish. My worse food I love is sweet tea.
You do the same and you will not end up like mom. probely over weight and over bearing:):).
put mom on a diet so she wil not feel like she has to compete with daughter.:)
it doesn't matter what i think, it seems you offended your mom though. she's just looking out for you. swallow your pride and apologize. try to pick your battles more carefully, seems like your wasting your ammo on this one.
Hey I know it is hard, but just try to keep peace in the family. We moms do want to have our kids eat a well ballanced meal. If they don't we feel somewhat guilty about not doing a well enough job as a parent.
But on the other hand moms should not call their children bad names. I always was called bad names while living at home. My mom had a lot of problems(mental). But please to not call her any names either. It will not help the situation.
I don't know your mum so I can only guess but maybe she feels a bit stressed at the mo. maybe she has issues with her sister, maybe to just keep the peace you should give her a hug and tell her that you didn't mean to upset her you really weren't hungry and you were insensitive to her needs and I give you permission to be sick after you have read this, but it is up to you, - conflict or calm.
You have an absolute b*tch of a mom. good god she's a b*tch! She needs to chill out befor she gets a hernia.
Why do teenagers , who never cook a meal, never shop for the food and never clean up after the meal, 3 times a day,every day whether we feel like it or not, NEVER understand how upsetting it is to go to all that effort and then be ignored/taken for granted/rejected.
While you're in your Mum's house behave how she expects you to and follow her values
Or else move out..
M : {
Never heard such a load of self absorbed , ungrateful, inconsiderate,childish,patheti.
I don't think you were out of order. If she thought you were being cheeky because you had picked the behaviour up from your Aunt and Uncle, it sounds like she might be a bit jealous of them! Maybe her argument is with them and she has taken it out on you as you are the nearest person. You know the saying, always hurt the one you love. She probably feels bad now and I bet if you apologise she will too.
I got to admit I would have been p issed off if I had spent a bit of time cooking you dinner, and you knew before hand that you wasn't that hungry and didn't bother saying anything till it was to late and to then you start getting mouthy.
I think you should apologise, as for the aunt and uncle thing there’s issues that needs to be talked about I think
I had a similar problem with my Dad.He actually stopped talking to me for three months till I apologised.However as with you what I said was perfectly reasonable.What I did was to say that I was sorry about the incident and that I had not intended to be cheeky.This cleared the air.
If you're still living at home you should at least try to eat what's put in front of you - after all your mum cooked it, she's probably concerned that you need a balanced diet. Even a little would have calmed the situation.
I think your action of silence probably wound her up even more.
Well, I can see where you're coming from but I can also see why your mum thought you were being cheeky. It made me laugh as it was exactly what I would have said (about giving her the choice). The big question here is, did you mean to be cheeky? Were you secretly thinking 'oh shut up mother.' I expect, if you are anything like the rest of us, you felt a bit irritated by your mums accusation and a sneaky little bit of that irritation came out in your tone of voice without you meaninig it to, which is what your mum heard. Just grovel a bit (i know, I dont do grovel either but for a quiet life its gotta be worth it, right?) tell her you didn't mean to sound ungrateful for the meal and you didnt mean to sound cheeky.
Oh and find out at later date what she meant about your relatives in the UK... I live in UK... would be interested to know!
Good luck :-)
Sounds like she may be going through the menopause ..... Tell her you didn't mean to sound cheeky, but, also express your feelings too, things are always better when they are out in the open. Remember .. you could always slip some HRT in her tea.
take care . hope it all works out for you and your mum.
Sounds like your Mum had a bad day and needed to vent a bit! Next time, accept your dinner as it is and eat what you are able to.
I have found that saying "Yes Mum, whatever you think is best.." works wonders in peace keeping.
I only cause arguements with my Mum on big issues - life is much quieter that way!
Eat what you mom put on the table for you. If she dies you will regret this moment trust me.
Your mum was just trying to take care of you and make sure you were getting enough to eat. It sounds as thought there was a bit of cheek on both sides - did you really expect your mum to call your boss? I think an apology is due from both sides, but try to understand that she only has your best interests at heart (she also sees all these magazines and tv programmes telling girls/woman to be super skinny and doesn't want this to happen to you). Try to talk about the problem with your aunt and uncle as it sounds as though she has an underlying issue with this.
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