What's the best/funniest piece of Football commentary you've ever heard?
The other day I heard Peter Drury come out with the phrase "Berbatov tries to penetrate Jenas." which I thought was good. But for me nothing beats David Pleat's "the sight is in end for Arsenal" about 30 seconds before Barca scored in last years Champions League Final.
Answers:
Brazillians when a goal is scored. Never ceases to make me chuckle at it. Longest goaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllll. in history i'd say.
If you remember Dickie Davies on Grandstand..he was doing the daily rundown at the end of the show.he was introducing the footie results and he said.." and now for the ...cocksucker results." I think he perhaps meant cup soccer ? OOOPS
Andy Grey commentating a Steven Gerrard champions league goal: "If you don't buy a ticket, you don't win the raffle!" It was on a sky T.V advert as well
Pele going on about how much he likes Butte. Then shortly after he started doing erectile dysfunction adverts!
Andy Gray when Gerrard scored a screamer of a goal against Olympiakos in the champions league.
He went mental!
I can't remember who said it but the some guy said "What they need to do is score goals". Quite funny and even more blindingly obvious.
i couldnt stop giggling everytime David Pleat called tottenhams Chimbonda "Chimbombba"!
I am sure that ages ago when Arsenal were playing in Europe , Jonathan Pearce said somthing like "And pat-a-cake pat a cake bakers man.......... Arsenal just cannot seem to break down this defence here tonight"
john motson while commentating on an England match "batty to platty" we all looked at each other in disbelief (sorry motty not your finest hour) and burst into laughter.
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit for that prat".
"If England are to win this match they will have to score a goal".
"We were a little outnumbered there, it was 2 against 2".
"I never make predictions and I never will"
"I am a firm believer that if you score one goal, the opposing side must score two to win".
Nothing beats this: BBC television commentator Kenneth Wolstenholme's description of the final moments of the England-West Germany final is the British equivalent of Foster Hewitt's famous "Henderson has scored for Canada!" call at the 1972 Summit Series.
Here's how Wolstenholme described Hurst's final goal:
"Some people are on the pitch (the crowd starts to spill onto the field). they think it's all over (Geoff Hurst scores to put England two goals ahead). AND IT IS OVER NOW!"
Wolstenholme's call is not only soccer's most famous piece of commentary but also a touchstone moment in British culture and among the most famous phrases in modern English. Such was the power of Wolstenholme's words that it spawned a quiz show named, "They Think It's All Over" on BBC1 and was part of the lyrics in the New Order song, "World in Motion."
I understand the phrase is now patented and has earned the commentator who is now retired some millions.
tommy smith. he does thinks i only dream played in my dreams in the play ground.
"Remember the name...Waaaayne Rooney, cometh the hour cometh the boy" Clive tilsley spoketh just after the once a blue always a blue notched that peach to end arsenals unbeaten run..a nice memory one of the few i care to remember about him nowadays!!
with the last kick of the ball, robbie fowler scored a header
During the World Cup, I think it was England vs T&T, the commentator said Dwight Yorke was 'kicked in the Michael Ballacks'.
German National Team player Oliver Bierhoff.
The first 45 minutes is the hardest first half.
All the British commentaries after Maradona's " hand of god " score. That made me enjoy it even more.
cant mind who said this cracker;"had that of gone in it would have been a goal"
or:"if your watching in black and white spurs are the team in yellow". Think that was brian moore, the big match ,1970s
i cant remember who said it, i think it might have been kevin keegan. "there is only one team who can win this match now and thats england" 30 seconds later romania go down the other end and score. also the funniest footie qoute ever was the ian holloway ugly win - ugly girl comparison. he said "to put it in gentlemans terms, if youve been out for a night and your looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they are good looking and some weeks they are not the best. our performance would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. she wernt the best looking lady we ended taking home but she was very nice, so thanks very much, lets have a coffee". absolute classic!!
Has to be that fella from Norway in the early 80's(?) " Maggie Thatcher, Lady Diana...your boys took a hell of a beating...." fantastic!
hmmmmmm football isn't it, small boys, jerseys for goal posts ..... marvellous!!
When Tommy Docherty was Manager of Scotland and being interviewed on TV on the eve of a match. The interviewer was trying everything possible to get Docherty to name the team but having no success. Totally frustrated he said " Well,Tommy. Whats the team?" to which Docherty replied " Sorry, Archie. Did you say something? I thought I saw your lips moving."
when Manchester united played Southampton when that free kick was scored
"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense."
(Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades, speaking in 1991.)
On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country."
(Ian Rush)
"Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."
(John Arlott)
"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."
(Peter Lorenzo)
"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalized."
(Ian McNail)
An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal.
Dave Bassett, Sky Sports
The best quotes have to be from the legendry Micheal Ó Muircheartaigh on the GAA.
"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"
" Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.
"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now . but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail .. I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"
"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"
"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball".
"He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point.....it went wide."
Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide... and the dog lost as well
"Teddy McCarthy to Mick McCarthy, no relation, Mick McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation "
David Coleman must have been the Worlds worst commentator
Try to look up his history or maybe a website,fan club.!
clive tyldsley once said "and niall quinn arrived like a giraffe on roller skates"
I think that no one has ever heard of this one.
I'm from Serbia. There is a television station here called Bella-Mee or something like that. The TV-guy there commentated football matches.
His comments were usually very rude to say the least.
One of them goes like this: "And the player is going with the ball, his going, going, passing the ball to the other player, he shots and a GOAL! But no mother****** he missed the goal, **** you stupid imbecile peace of ****, you moron..."
Sorry about the rudeness. And in that period, my brother, who doesn’t like football one bit, watched every match when that commentator was on. He said it was interesting to him to listen to him cursing.
Football - Funny ? Yer avin a larf - right ?
"And Smith must score." BBC Commentator on Brighton's Gordon Smith in the 1983 FA Cup Final against Man Utd, in the dying seconds, when the score was 2-2, and Smith only had Bailey in goal to beat from the edge of the penalty area. Smith didnt score. I hate him.
AND
As an England player (can't remember who. Batty?) was stepping up to take a penalty in the shootout against (Argentina?Please remind me!) in the France 98 Quarter Final, with all Englands hopes on it.
Commentator "So Kevin, quick, can he score, yes or no?"
Kev Keeg "Yes"
He missed.
And a manager whose name escapes me, of a team whose name escapes me, fairly recently. (May have been Bolton)
"That was our best result yet. This season. At home. In the cup. In February. On a Monday." (Not word perfect but that was the gist of it.
Anyone know any techniques to improve my memory?
on BBC Radio 5 Live- the following being said about Manchester United defender Heinze:
He's very tough. He likes to tackle himself
When England were forced into a penalty shootout and somebody asked Kevin Keegan "Is he going to score" and Keegan said yes. He missed, also Brazlian commentators after a goal has been scored.
Floyd Landis?
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How do you think the Premiership results will go at the weekend (etc.) and why?
Just letting you rugby fans Know.!?
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Mike Newell - attack on woman official, was he right to say that?
y havnt hey???
Answers:
Brazillians when a goal is scored. Never ceases to make me chuckle at it. Longest goaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllll. in history i'd say.
If you remember Dickie Davies on Grandstand..he was doing the daily rundown at the end of the show.he was introducing the footie results and he said.." and now for the ...cocksucker results." I think he perhaps meant cup soccer ? OOOPS
Andy Grey commentating a Steven Gerrard champions league goal: "If you don't buy a ticket, you don't win the raffle!" It was on a sky T.V advert as well
Pele going on about how much he likes Butte. Then shortly after he started doing erectile dysfunction adverts!
Andy Gray when Gerrard scored a screamer of a goal against Olympiakos in the champions league.
He went mental!
I can't remember who said it but the some guy said "What they need to do is score goals". Quite funny and even more blindingly obvious.
i couldnt stop giggling everytime David Pleat called tottenhams Chimbonda "Chimbombba"!
I am sure that ages ago when Arsenal were playing in Europe , Jonathan Pearce said somthing like "And pat-a-cake pat a cake bakers man.......... Arsenal just cannot seem to break down this defence here tonight"
john motson while commentating on an England match "batty to platty" we all looked at each other in disbelief (sorry motty not your finest hour) and burst into laughter.
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit for that prat".
"If England are to win this match they will have to score a goal".
"We were a little outnumbered there, it was 2 against 2".
"I never make predictions and I never will"
"I am a firm believer that if you score one goal, the opposing side must score two to win".
Nothing beats this: BBC television commentator Kenneth Wolstenholme's description of the final moments of the England-West Germany final is the British equivalent of Foster Hewitt's famous "Henderson has scored for Canada!" call at the 1972 Summit Series.
Here's how Wolstenholme described Hurst's final goal:
"Some people are on the pitch (the crowd starts to spill onto the field). they think it's all over (Geoff Hurst scores to put England two goals ahead). AND IT IS OVER NOW!"
Wolstenholme's call is not only soccer's most famous piece of commentary but also a touchstone moment in British culture and among the most famous phrases in modern English. Such was the power of Wolstenholme's words that it spawned a quiz show named, "They Think It's All Over" on BBC1 and was part of the lyrics in the New Order song, "World in Motion."
I understand the phrase is now patented and has earned the commentator who is now retired some millions.
tommy smith. he does thinks i only dream played in my dreams in the play ground.
"Remember the name...Waaaayne Rooney, cometh the hour cometh the boy" Clive tilsley spoketh just after the once a blue always a blue notched that peach to end arsenals unbeaten run..a nice memory one of the few i care to remember about him nowadays!!
with the last kick of the ball, robbie fowler scored a header
During the World Cup, I think it was England vs T&T, the commentator said Dwight Yorke was 'kicked in the Michael Ballacks'.
German National Team player Oliver Bierhoff.
The first 45 minutes is the hardest first half.
All the British commentaries after Maradona's " hand of god " score. That made me enjoy it even more.
cant mind who said this cracker;"had that of gone in it would have been a goal"
or:"if your watching in black and white spurs are the team in yellow". Think that was brian moore, the big match ,1970s
i cant remember who said it, i think it might have been kevin keegan. "there is only one team who can win this match now and thats england" 30 seconds later romania go down the other end and score. also the funniest footie qoute ever was the ian holloway ugly win - ugly girl comparison. he said "to put it in gentlemans terms, if youve been out for a night and your looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they are good looking and some weeks they are not the best. our performance would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. she wernt the best looking lady we ended taking home but she was very nice, so thanks very much, lets have a coffee". absolute classic!!
Has to be that fella from Norway in the early 80's(?) " Maggie Thatcher, Lady Diana...your boys took a hell of a beating...." fantastic!
hmmmmmm football isn't it, small boys, jerseys for goal posts ..... marvellous!!
When Tommy Docherty was Manager of Scotland and being interviewed on TV on the eve of a match. The interviewer was trying everything possible to get Docherty to name the team but having no success. Totally frustrated he said " Well,Tommy. Whats the team?" to which Docherty replied " Sorry, Archie. Did you say something? I thought I saw your lips moving."
when Manchester united played Southampton when that free kick was scored
"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense."
(Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades, speaking in 1991.)
On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country."
(Ian Rush)
"Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."
(John Arlott)
"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."
(Peter Lorenzo)
"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalized."
(Ian McNail)
An inch or two either side of the post and that would have been a goal.
Dave Bassett, Sky Sports
The best quotes have to be from the legendry Micheal Ó Muircheartaigh on the GAA.
"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down - his people are undertakers"
" Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.
"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now . but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail .. I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"
"Teddy looks at the ball, the ball looks at Teddy"
"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball".
"He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point.....it went wide."
Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide... and the dog lost as well
"Teddy McCarthy to Mick McCarthy, no relation, Mick McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation "
David Coleman must have been the Worlds worst commentator
Try to look up his history or maybe a website,fan club.!
clive tyldsley once said "and niall quinn arrived like a giraffe on roller skates"
I think that no one has ever heard of this one.
I'm from Serbia. There is a television station here called Bella-Mee or something like that. The TV-guy there commentated football matches.
His comments were usually very rude to say the least.
One of them goes like this: "And the player is going with the ball, his going, going, passing the ball to the other player, he shots and a GOAL! But no mother****** he missed the goal, **** you stupid imbecile peace of ****, you moron..."
Sorry about the rudeness. And in that period, my brother, who doesn’t like football one bit, watched every match when that commentator was on. He said it was interesting to him to listen to him cursing.
Football - Funny ? Yer avin a larf - right ?
"And Smith must score." BBC Commentator on Brighton's Gordon Smith in the 1983 FA Cup Final against Man Utd, in the dying seconds, when the score was 2-2, and Smith only had Bailey in goal to beat from the edge of the penalty area. Smith didnt score. I hate him.
AND
As an England player (can't remember who. Batty?) was stepping up to take a penalty in the shootout against (Argentina?Please remind me!) in the France 98 Quarter Final, with all Englands hopes on it.
Commentator "So Kevin, quick, can he score, yes or no?"
Kev Keeg "Yes"
He missed.
And a manager whose name escapes me, of a team whose name escapes me, fairly recently. (May have been Bolton)
"That was our best result yet. This season. At home. In the cup. In February. On a Monday." (Not word perfect but that was the gist of it.
Anyone know any techniques to improve my memory?
on BBC Radio 5 Live- the following being said about Manchester United defender Heinze:
He's very tough. He likes to tackle himself
When England were forced into a penalty shootout and somebody asked Kevin Keegan "Is he going to score" and Keegan said yes. He missed, also Brazlian commentators after a goal has been scored.
The answers post by the user, for information only, UKQnA.com does not guarantee the right.